Don’t dwell on the drama
Dear Amy: I work at a small law firm where we are treated more as family than employees. One of our hardest-working, dedicated, passionate employees recently tried to kill himself.
We are all saddened by the news, relieved that he wasn’t successful, and shocked because we had no idea he was suffering.
His job here is secure, and hopefully he’ll come back.
What do I say to him the next time we meet? We are friendly but not exactly close. I want to be respectful of his privacy, but I also want to let him know he is valued. Should I just pretend that nothing happened? Tightrope Walker
Dear Walker: If your colleague returns to work, he’ll feel more on a tightrope than anyone. He might be most relieved to be greeted with a sincere: “Wow, we missed you. Welcome back, pal. I’m so happy you’re here.”
After a mental health crisis, it can be a relief to reintegrate into life’s more normal rhythms and quotidian concerns. You want to be the person who doesn’t dwell on his personal drama — who will allow him to move forward, without prurient curiosity or judgment attached.
Of course, if he initiates a conversation about his challenges, listen sympathetically, don’t compare him to other people or situations, don’t pile on any advice; simply accept him as he is.
Dear Amy: Several months ago, my physician abruptly canceled all her appointments and was absent from the office for three months.
I saw one of her partners several times in the interim, but all my inquiries about my doctor’s health were met by shrugged shoulders — no one in the office seemed to know what was wrong or when or if she would return. Apparently, she is now back.
I realize the doctor has a right to privacy. But the abrupt nature of her departure, and the strange silence in the office as to the cause, makes me suspect she may have been suffering from a mental health condition or perhaps drug or alcohol addiction. This is all speculation on my part, but I would have thought, if she had a serious illness, that this would have been shared with her patients.
Should I continue to entrust my care to her? I don’t want to judge her, but at the same time, I want a physician who is mentally astute. I know mental health and substance abuse conditions are treatable and I also know the relapse rate is high. Should I ask her? Concerned Patient
Dear Concerned: If you trusted your physician before, you should trust her now. She might have been absent due to a family obligation. Cancer, depression, alcoholism — any physical, mental or emotional malady you could imagine — is treatable. Furthermore, your assumption that a person cannot competently work despite grappling with illness (or after recovery) is flawed.
If your physician is back at work, then she is back at work. The only real issue would be if she had been suspended for legal or professional reasons. You can check on any suspensions or disciplinary actions on your state’s Health Department website; follow the link for the Office of Professional Medical Conduct.
If you continue to be curious about your doctor’s absence, you should ask. Whether she chooses to disclose the reason behind her absence, she should offer you reassurance that her abilities are not diminished.