Plenty to learn in college

Dear Amy: Everyone claims that college is the best four years of your life. My friends always pressure me by saying that I have a limited opportunity to go wild and have fun.

Recently, I have been having a lot of one-night stands and really casual sex.

The moment I realized how damaging this was for me was this past weekend where I hooked up with a guy who I thought was supercute and honestly would like to get to know better.

The next day a group of us (including him) hung out. I pretended not to care about him. He was flirting with some of my friends, so I flirted with his friend.

I was avoiding how I was really feeling by flirting with his friend.

Why do I keep doing this and how do I stop? I try to be the bigger person to pretend I don’t care, but I do.

I was truly upset when the guy I hooked up with was talking to one of my friends and I got jealous.

Young, Confused, on Edge

Dear Confused: First this: The same people who claim high school is the most awesome time of life also claim that college is your last chance to “be wild,” etc.

As a relatively ancient person, I can tell you that no phase of life has a lock on awesome. The experience of wild abandon is most wonderful when you are mature enough to treasure the true joy of feeling your own “aliveness.”

Other reasons why people look back on the college years with such fondness involve the challenges of diving into your intellect, growing up alongside a diverse group, arguing over ideas, exploring your spirituality, learning how to live authentically — and yes, also having sexual experiences.

What you are going through right now means that you are growing!

Jealousy is a natural emotion. Learning to love yourself means you treasure your own complex emotions, and you won’t beat yourself up for feeling your feelings.

An evolving person who has overindulged will have the dawning realization: “Hmmm, this isn’t working for me anymore.” That person will then explore behavior, examine motivation and choose to live differently.

This is your time.

Dear Amy: I caught my fiancé cheating! He was sending nasty pictures of himself to another woman. He swears he’s never slept with her.

We are supposed to get married in two months! I’m devastated. Everything is paid for and most of the money that has been spent is money we can’t get back.

I have no idea what to do.

Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken: I’m so sorry you are going through this.

Is your fiancé sorry? Other than defensively stating that he hasn’t slept with this other woman, has he explained why he did this? Has he done this before? Does he not consider this cheating?

Try very hard to put wedding talks on hold for at least two weeks while you discuss this. If a clergyperson is performing your ceremony, you two could meet with them to air your concerns.

Only you can decide if this is a true dealbreaker for you, and your decision will be based on the confrontations and conversations that flow from this episode.

I recommend “Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most,” by Douglas Patton, Bruce Stone and Sheila Heen.