Whether to tell ex- friend

Dear Amy: I was close friends with a woman, “B,” for 10 years. Around six months ago, our friendship began to unravel because of her sudden racism, spreading rumors about me, her husband being grossly sexual toward me, her narcotic addictions, and the amount of time I spent watching her children while she and her husband were fighting.

The minute I began to focus on bettering my own life, everything fell into place.

A few weeks ago, a mutual friend sent me a link to a pornographic video that involved her husband and a different woman.

I was grossed out, and my f irst thought was, “We have to tell her.” Since I don’t have a relationship with her, I asked our friend to deliver the bad news. But she does not want to.

I emailed the website hosting the video and asked them to take it down. He doesn’t deserve that, nor does his wife — or the woman in the video. The website responded that unless I was a participant ( and could prove it) they couldn’t take it down. This could ruin lives. His wife works in marketing, where image is everything.

I feel like it would be weird to email her with this news. Plus, she will definitely shoot the messenger.

I would want someone to tell me.

I don’t want to be dragged into her wild drama or somehow get blamed for this. I just don’t want to see this ruin her life.

Upset and Worried

Dear Upset: The person to contact is the one in the video. It doesn’t seem to have occurred to you to do that.

Don’t attempt to solve this problem by spreading it further. Put this information into the hands of the person who has the greatest incentive ( and the responsibility) to deal with it.

If this was uploaded without his ( and the other person’s) knowledge and permission, then he should contact the site’s administrator and insist it be removed.

Dear Amy: I am irritated with both my husband and our 22- year- old daughter.

Our daughter’s girlfriend moved in with us for a trial run. She has a pet rabbit.

I shared my concerns about a rabbit living in the house, but my husband and daughter assured me it would be f ine. The rabbit had already chewed some baseboards, but I went along with their wishes.

A few weeks later, my husband called to tell me the girlfriend had bought another rabbit to keep the f irst rabbit company. She had spoken with my husband, and he approved the second rabbit without asking me. I texted the girlfriend and told her that the second rabbit was not OK with me.

My husband says that the conversation should be between the two of us and not involve the girlfriend.

My husband, daughter and her girlfriend contribute nothing to the house expenses. If I’m the one paying for everything, shouldn’t I be the one to decide?

I have started to look for another place to live.

Irritated

Dear Irritated: The level of disrespect demonstrated by members of your household toward you is extreme. Even if you weren’t the sole support, any living thing brought into the home should be approved by every human living there.

I’m not sure why YOU are looking for another place to live. The household leavetaking should commence in this order: rabbits and girlfriend; daughter; husband.