Believe him on breakup

Dear Amy: I’m a 22- yearold woman who got dumped last week by my boyfriend ( he is 21). We had been together for two months. It was the most romantic and happiest time for us both.

We made plans to spend our lives together.

His reason for the breakup was to spend time on his own to deal with his PTSD and depression from an abusive relationship that he got out of this year.

He called our relationship “right person, wrong time,” but I asked him if the breakup was permanent and he said it was. He said that when he feels better, he’ll want a fresh start, but if I’m the right person, why is he ending our relationship?

Whenever he said he loved me or wanted a life with me and that he has never been as in love until me, I could tell it was the truth. I love him so much and this has affected me badly. I know he still loves me, so why is he acting like he hates me now? He threatened to block me on social media. Can you help me?

Devastated

Dear Devastated: This guy is trying to break up with you. Your job now is to respect his choice.

He isn’t sending you a mixed message. “Right person, wrong time” means “I care about you, but I am breaking up with you.”

“I need time on my own in order to deal with my previous trauma and depression” means “I am breaking up with you.”

Threatening to block you on social media means “I am breaking up with you. Don’t attempt to communicate with me. If I’m interested in reviving our relationship, I’ll get in touch with you.”

It is terrible and heartbreaking to be left behind, especially after a passionate crashing together that felt perfect. But you are young. Your relationship might have burned too brightly. Take time to regroup. Breakups can be devastating but also can lead to personal insight. Next time go slow.

Keep in mind this saying, which actually helped me to recover from my long- ago divorce: “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours. If they don’t, they never were.”

Dear Amy: One of my professional colleagues is named Karen. She is thoughtful, conscientious and considerate. She is the very opposite of the racist and demanding stereotype getting so much f lak and attention right now.

When she isn’t present in meetings, colleagues make “Karen” jokes, which I always try to shoot down.

Somehow it seems worse because these remarks come from my colleagues who fancy themselves to be liberal and inclusive.

Recently, Karen helped me by preventing me from making a costly, potentially serious professional error.

Now I feel doubly guilty. Is there anything else I can do to stop the stupid jokes?

Feeling Guilty

Dear Guilty: Making fun of someone’s name is juvenile bullying. I suggest you react to this by speaking up and saying a version of, “This has gotten so old. Can you stop?”

I posted an informal poll on social media. About a dozen Karens responded, evincing a sense of humor about this, as well as an attitude best described as: “This, too, shall pass.”

If this teasing takes place in front of ( your) Karen, she might want to laugh it off and demand: “I want to see the manager. Wait, I AM the manager!” which is a very “Karen” thing to do.