Check but no check mate
Dear Amy: I have been on a series of dates with an established professional. I got the feeling that she just viewed me as a money piñata, even though I imagine she out- earns me.
We are late- millennials. We established values of equality, reciprocity, family, etc., before we met in person.
We had a great time on our f irst date. The bill arrived and there was no casual dance back and forth over who might pay. She never even looked in its direction. No worries, I got it.
Second date, we also had a good time. The bill arrived. Same thing. This time I let it sit on the table for probably 15 minutes before I placed my card in the folder.
We decided to meet again. This time, she asked if I would like to split the bill.
This behavior confused me. I asked, “Are we on a date, or are we friends meeting for dinner?” She insisted we were on a date.
I said, “Well, this is intriguing, you want to go Dutch on the third date but not the f irst or second? Her reply was a cool: “Yeah.”
I paid the bill and expected not to see her again.
The following week, she invited me to brunch.
Sure enough, when the check arrived, she didn’t even look at it. I let it sit on the table for 30 minutes before the waiter returned wanting to cash it out.
I paid the bill and thanked her for inviting me out to pay for her meal.
She looked confused, as if I had broken some unspoken rule of dating in which the man must pick up every check.
I have been rejecting her calls and texts to “get together” ever since.
I’m curious about what you think of this.
Would Like Equality
Dear Equality: I am 100% on your side. But if you’ve been played so many times, then why have you kept throwing down your card?
Granted, your mutual staring contests when the check comes are amusing, but you’ve been outflanked.
When two people connect online and agree to meet, they should split the check. After that, when one asks the other out, the asker should offer to pay the bill.
A conversation might have avoided this gamesmanship. You took a baby step by asking whether you were on a date or a friend date, but you never followed up by sharing your views or describing how her behavior made you feel.
Kids these days use Venmo or PayPal to bill their dinner partners after the fact if they believe they are owed money.
Dear Amy: I am responding to “Sexless at Sixty,” who was worried about her husband’s libido. She said she always had to initiate sex.
I am a 94- year- young gentleman. I have been alone for nearly three years.
I now have two lady friends, both sexually active, as am I. I see each of them at least once a week.
Fortunately, they live about 40 miles apart, and do not know each other.
Tell the ladies it is OK for them to initiate the “action.”
It’s time for them to understand that being aggressive is modern, and it is OK with us.
Happy Man
Dear Happy: I wonder if your two lady friends would mind the fact that you are sleeping around. You should make sure each knows you are not sexually exclusive.
It is also vital that you and all of your partners get screened for STDs.