Don’t let depression fester

Dear Amy: Lately, I have been doubting myself in every aspect of my life. I am always sad. I am working on my teaching certification and I cannot get myself to open my laptop to work.

My boyfriend is amazing, yet I always f ind something to argue about.

Yesterday he said he’s losing interest in me.

I was annoyed at him because I sent a photo of us to him and told him to post it on Facebook. He got upset. He has not posted anything of us on social media since we started dating a year ago.

When he was in another relationship, he would post photos of that girlfriend all the time.

I wonder if I’m not good enough? I’ve always been a confident person but with him I feel insecure.

Lost

Dear Lost: I assume you ordered him to post a photo of you because you are insecure and grasping at straws. You are testing him and forcing him into a corner.

Picture a compass with these points: Negative thoughts, negative feelings, negative self- worth, destructive behavior, leading to negative consequences, which leads right back to negative thoughts.

Your behavior — being sad and argumentative, procrastinating and doubting yourself at every turn — are all indicators of depression.

See your physician right away and ask for a referral to a therapist.

This might not be the right time to be in a relationship, in part because you are acting out in anger, which affects your boyfriend’s selfworth and your own.

You acknowledge your negative behavior ( good for you) but now should commit to working on yourself.

Dear Amy: Our family is all grown, with kids in various life and career stages.

Within the limits of our physical and financial ability ( and based on their needs), we help our kids as much as we can.

In the last few years we have allowed two adult children to live with us shortterm ( less than a year) when moving states to take a job or while attending college.

Early this year, our son said he and his family would need to move in with us, as he was applying for a job.

He lives 40 minutes from us and owns a house. Living with us, his commute to the new job would be shortened from 40 to 10 minutes.

We were concerned about some incompatibilities ( differences in diet and housekeeping style, and a dog) that we thought could damage the relationship if we lived together. We also didn’t feel that we needed to help in this way, because he is local and financially stable.

He rejected our reasoning, claiming he has always been the least favorite. Now he is estranged from us.

Was it a mistake to allow any of our kids to live with us if we could not have offered that to all of them?

Struggling

Dear Struggling: It sounds as if your son was testing you. He wanted you to prove that you put him on the same level as his siblings, by making an almost irrational demand. When you responded rationally ( as he knew you would), you conf irmed his belief, enabling him to justify pulling away.

Yes, it is important to treat all of your children fairly. But fairness in families is more about balance than equality. The children who don’t need as much help should take pride in their independence, and you should stand firm and fair.