A different way to search

Dear Amy: “Wondering,” in his late 50s, wondered how to approach women to see if they were available, or if he should stop looking.

My young but wise cousin and I had a conversation one time about meeting women. I asked him what I should do to meet women. His advice was, “Stop looking!”

He said people can sense when somebody is desperate, which can be a big turnoff. He said to just be myself and strike up conversations with people with the intent of having fun. This technique allows a person’s real side to shine, not the anxious “I have to meet someone” side.

Once a great conversation is going in a relaxed atmosphere, upon departing just ask if the conversation can be continued over coffee.

If the woman says no because she is spoken for, he should not assume it is over. She may know a perfect match for him.

Two months after speaking to my cousin, my soonto- be wife came into my life.

Happily Married

Dear Married: I have shared, and followed, your cousin’s advice myself.

However, he was not saying to stop looking altogether but to relax and look in a different way. Connecting with people with a friendly, open attitude can lead to friendship ( or more) and can also simply brighten another person’s day.

Dear Amy: For “Wondering,” who wonders how to date again, I suggest volunteering for a charity or organization that is meaningful to him. I met my husband that way 42 years ago.

His conversation starter: “What inspired you to volunteer here?” My response opened up a world of common interests that evolved into respect, love and a happy marriage.

Worked for Us

Dear Worked: Volunteering is a good way to achieve multiple purposes: Doing good work and meeting kind and generous people.

Your husband’s f irst question to you is an ideal example of an open- ended question, designed to inspire a thoughtful response.

Dear Amy: “M” was looking for advice as an aspiring journal keeper, and I thought she might be interested in my method.

One thing that has gotten me writing regularly is my daily email correspondence with a friend.

This friend started writing newsy emails to me at the beginning of our friendship, and we fell into the habit of writing every day.

I copy and save our emails and have f iles going back to 2004!

We usually write about what happened to us each day. Admittedly many of them are not very deep or exciting. However, there have been times that they have been useful when I needed to remember what date something significant occurred.

Obviously M would need to f ind someone willing to put in the effort to do this daily, but she may want to inquire among her friends and family members to see if anyone else might be interested.

In addition, she may still want to keep the blank journal on her nightstand so she can write her more deep and private innermost thoughts.

— Irene

Dear Irene: What a wonderful and rich way to record your own personal daily history, while at the same time deepening your friendship!

During a pandemic is in many ways the perfect time to strike up a new correspondence. I’m inspired.