He is telling her his truth

Dear Amy: I’m a woman, currently dating a younger man. He pursued me relentlessly before I agreed to go out with him.

On our first date, I leaned in to kiss him and he got a terrified look on his face and blurted out, “I’m gay!”

I immediately left and avoided him for days.

He convinced me that he was just trying to shock me, just messing around.

OK, sure — maybe that’s true, but every single time we’re together he brings up different scenarios, and asks me things like, ” What would you do if you caught me kissing this guy or that guy?”

I asked him the other night why we never go to his place and his answer was, ” I don’t know, maybe I’m gay.” This really is getting old. I believe he’s closeted and in denial. Thoughts?

Unsure

Dear Unsure: If you try to kiss someone and he recoils in terror, saying, “I’m gay,” then he’s most likely gay.

If he consistently brings up scenarios where he speculates about your reaction to him kissing this guy or that, then he’s at least gay- adjacent or bi- curious.

If you ask him why you don’t go to his place, or why he didn’t finish his entrée, or why he likes the color green and he says, ” I don’t know, maybe I’m gay,” then — yep.

My point is that just about every question you ask him, regardless of topic, seems to swing around to him being gay.

There are probably many great reasons this man wants to date you. But he seems eager to f ind ways to talk about his own sexuality.

You could ask if he is at a sexual crossroads. Would he like to talk about it in an honest, noninvasive way?

If you want to be sexually active with him and he finds reasons to avoid physical contact with you, it’s time for you to make a decision about being with him, based on your own desires and not his.

Dear Amy: I am a 63- yearold widower. My wife died nine years ago. Dating has been brutal.

I dated a lady for two years. She is a nurse and is deeply involved in public health in this pandemic. It is overwhelming for her.

I tried to support her with gifts, books and homecooked dinners. Over time, our relationship went from intimate to wearing a mask and no touching.

She hinted around and told me that I don’t have to stay in the relationship.

I told her we could make it. She continued to pull back.

Finally, I called her on it. I left that evening angry.

I took a day and realized I wasn’t angry with her but with COVID. I wrote her a card, bought her f lowers and left them on her porch. She is now ghosting me. I’m proud that I gave the relationship 100%. Yet the emotional pain of the instant cutoff of communication and the pretense that I do not exist is difficult.

How do I deal with that? I need/ want some resolution. Heck, my house has a lot of stuff from her on the shelves!

Left

Dear Left: Your relationship might be yet another emotional casualty of COVID. You seem to believe that this breakup was sudden but it wasn’t. She provided multiple signals over a long period that she was pulling away from you.

Write to her if you believe it would help you, understanding it won’t change the outcome. Put the things she gave you in a box. Put the letter inside too. Raise a toast to the end and resolve to let time heal this loss.