Disturbed by his ‘ secret’

Dear Amy: I’m asking for advice for my younger sister, “Stella.” She’s using a social media account delivering “X- rated entertainment” to make extra income.

Our older cousin “Candace” is married to “Ted.” They have three kids. Ted is 17 years older than Stella.

Stella found out that Ted has subscribed to her account because he sent her a bunch of messages saying he is always checking her out at family functions. He called her his ” dirty little secret.”

We are both disturbed by his behavior and aren’t sure what she should do next.

Stella told our mom in hopes she would have some advice and to potentially ward off any uncomfortable family gatherings. Our mom thinks it’s possible that Candace will take Ted’s side and it could make things worse.

Stella and I agreed we’d want to know if our significant other was doing this.

I encouraged Stella to take screenshots of his messages in case she needs any proof in the future.

Stella blocked his account and let her friends on the website know so they can block him too.

Should Stella keep this secret or let our cousin know what her husband is doing?

Concerned Big Sis

Dear Big Sis: Ted is a creep. More on that later. But your question partly concerns whether Stella should notify your cousin because her husband subscribes to Stella’s X- rated entertainment account.

I’ll draw an equivalence to a medium like Penthouse magazine. If Stella is hired to pose for Penthouse, should your cousin’s husband be “outed” because he bought it at a newsstand? No.

Your mom knows about Stella’s groove. I imagine this acceptance would override family awkwardness.

Ted’s choice to harass Stella should NOT remain anyone’s “dirty little secret,” however.

Even though Ted might have thought he was engaging in some creative and sexy roleplay, having a relative inform Stella of her role in his fantasy life is creepy! Stella should respond directly to Ted, shutting him down. Depending on how he responds, in order to deny him the pleasure of having her as his “dirty little secret,” she should feel free to out him.

You should assume that Ted’s wife will side with him. But, since his harassment is indefensible, I don’t think the rest of the family should worry too much about him or his feelings.

Dear Amy: A few years ago, my husband and I met a couple who would become our best friends. They have two daughters, we have one.

Their oldest, “Maggie,” is the same age as my daughter ( 6). Maggie is rude, disrespectful, mean and a bully.

We’ve overlooked it because we enjoy the friendship so much.

My daughter enjoys playing with their girls, but I think her feelings get hurt by Maggie, although she’s too kind to say so.

I believe a comment I made recently about a rude incident has caused a rift. However, I’m tired of allowing their daughter to treat us and our daughter so badly.

The parents refuse to acknowledge that there’s a problem. I think the child needs professional help.

Do I end the friendship? What should I say to them?

Upset Mom

Dear Upset: The way to communicate with them is to say, “Maggie dominates our daughter, and she doesn’t seem to know how to handle it. I hope I didn’t overstep in your home but I felt I needed to intervene.”