Differences split couple

Dear Amy: When I married my lovely wife, one of the reasons I wanted to spend my life with her was that I valued her intelligence.

Now, many years later, I can’t mention the latest pandemic news, or anything else for that matter, without her going ballistic if it doesn’t support what the ( outgoing) president is espousing in his latest tweets. She believes that anything reported in the mainstream media ( especially the newspapers, which she totally despises), is a lie.

This leaves very little for a person who has no political affiliation to talk to her about. It is also very tough to get her to go along with many of the COVID- 19 safety guidelines.

She also wants to relocate from a very nice area — and the community I have lived in all my life — because she feels the state government is too liberal.

I am feeling pretty lost right now. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Lost in California

Dear Lost: Without judging your wife’s intelligence or political opinions, it is obvious that you two are at a relationship impasse.

When she talks about moving and leaving the state, is she really talking about leaving you? It undoubtedly feels that way to you.

Couples on opposite ends of the political spectrum can have healthy relationships as long as each recognizes the other’s point of view and tries to understand their rationale for their viewpoint. Have your wife’s overall views toward the world changed, and if so, can she explain when this happened, and why?

Marriage counseling could help you to communicate more effectively about your problems, including discussing the direction you each see your lives taking.

Her reaction to the idea of meeting with a counselor would reveal the extent of her commitment to moving your marriage back toward the center of your lives.

Dear Amy: My close friend, “Marcia,” is in her early 60s. She has been seeing “Brad” off and on for many years.

Unfortunately, Brad has a violent temper. The two of them could be floating along in Loveland and then he will lose it, push her, yell at her, slam out of the house — and she will be terrified.

Months or even a year will go by, and then they will get back together. Brad apologizes, Marcia rationalizes his behavior, and then she pretends he’s the perfect man. Until he loses it again.

As her friend, if I express my concern, she ignores my comments and then slowly cuts herself off from me.

She is hypercritical of the men I date.

I don’t feel like this is a true friendship anymore. Advice?

Loyal, But Lost

Dear Lost: I wonder if you have ever described this pattern of your friendship’s ups and downs to Marcia. It might inspire her to see more clearly how her relationship with Brad impacts the rest of her friendships.

She is criticizing the men you see because deflecting is the easiest way for her to cope with her choices.

I hope you will see through her negative behavior, and simply try your hardest to be compassionate, patient and supportive. Urge her to see a counselor. The National Domestic Violence Hotline ( thehotline . org) offers a number of helpful suggestions for ways to support someone in an abusive relationship.