Carmelita and Federico Calindas
77 and 82, Sacramento
That Carmelita and Federico Calindas were from the same province in the Philippines gave them an instant connection when they met in San Francisco more than half a century ago. Both had come to the United States in search of better futures for themselves and their families. They understood each other’s past and present lives.
“It was kind of like a meant-to-be story,” their son Frederic said of their 52-year marriage.
In college in the Philippines, Federico had studied aeronautics. In America, he harvested crops and worked at a flower shop before he was drafted into the Vietnam War. He ended up serving in the U.S. Army for 24 years as an aircraft mechanic stationed around the nation and the world.
Before settling in Sacramento, he and Carmelita lived in San Francisco, Kansas, Hawaii, Arizona and Germany. Wherever they were, their home became a social hub, particularly comforting for single Filipino soldiers.
Carmelita found jobs on the military bases — in billeting offices, commissaries and post exchanges. She continued to work on bases after Federico retired from the Army. He went on to spend 18 years as an aircraft mechanic for United Airlines.
Carmelita, 77, and Federico, 82, were long retired when the coronavirus hit. Their six grandchildren had been getting much of their attention. Federico served as the grandchildren’s chauffeur and chaperone, and they were always ready to babysit.
Carmelita loved to sing. Federico loved to joke. If a waitress asked him how he liked his eggs, he’d grin and say, “Cooked,” Frederic said. “Everything was a joke for my dad,” daughter Carmela Yamamoto of Sacramento said. Her parents would bicker, she said, but Federico kept joking, and Carmelita could never stay mad.
The two were the backbone of their Filipino families. They loved to bring everyone on both sides together — which made the pandemic challenging, though they wore masks, distanced and kept their circle small.
For Thanksgiving, Carmelita and Federico joined Carmela and her family at Frederic’s house in Elk Grove. Then on the Saturday after the holiday, as they did every year, various relatives came to their house to help them pick persimmons off their tree. They stayed outside, but Carmelita later admitted to her daughter that they also ate together; she said, “I think I’m going to regret this.”
Though none of them knew it at the time, someone in the picking group had the coronavirus, and all of them would end up getting it.
Carmelita and Federico felt sick that Monday, though they thought they just had colds. Carmelita got much worse as the week progressed. On Dec. 7, Carmela, who visited each day to take care of her parents, arrived to find her mother dead.
Federico had to be hospitalized three days later. On video calls from his hospital room, before he was intubated, he insisted on going over all the arrangements for his wife’s funeral, down to what she would be wearing. The family was waiting until he could be present, but he died Dec. 27. A funeral for one became a funeral for two.
Heartbroken, the couple’s children say they are grateful to be able to lean on the extended family that their parents always kept so close.
In addition to their children and grandchildren, Carmelita is survived by her brothers, Jose Dabi, Benjamin Dabi, Renato Dabi, Danilo Dabi and Juan Dabi Jr.; and her sister, Marilou Dabi Abuan; and Federico is survived by his brothers, Arthur and Romeo; and his sister Juliet Calindas Castillo. All live in Northern California.