She owes him an apology
Dear Amy: My wife’s best friend recently went through a period where she was unhappy in her marriage.
She began sexting with willing men and then sharing some of the pictures she had received with my wife.
I know about this because my wife asked me to fix the Wi-Fi on her phone.
While I was working on her phone, her friend texted one of these photos.
Alarmed and a little shocked, I opened the text message string and found myself in a world of hurt.
My wife was tacitly giving her friend permission to send these photos and also comparing my physique unfavorably to these men.
When I confronted my wife about this, her first reaction was to change the passcode on her phone.
She has since apologized, but I’m still having trouble.
I can’t seem to shake the feeling that she finds me unattractive, and whenever her friend is around, I feel embarrassed and ashamed knowing that my body was described unfavorably to her in such explicit detail. What should I do?
Embarrassed
Dear Embarrassed: Your wife has embarrassed, disrespected and disappointed you, and you are left wondering what you should do about it. She’s the one who needs to behave differently.
When a partner gets caught behaving badly, their instinct is often to try to sweep the problem away. A typical reaction is to issue a swift apology, insist you ”move on,” and then avoid discussing it further.
Do not suffer silently. Describe how her behavior makes you feel, using “I” statements: “I’m embarrassed. I feel unloved. I really need to talk about this.”
You deserve an apology. A real one, where your wife shows that she understands the impact of her rudeness.
If you cannot successfully navigate this with her, make an appointment with a couples’ counselor. If she dismisses the need, you should go on your own.
Dear Amy: Two years ago, I rekindled a relationship with my cousin, “Brian,” who is my age (44) and an only child. We have a great friendship and are now close.
About a year ago, another cousin was contacted by someone who is certainly Brian’s half-sister. The woman was hoping to be put in contact with her sibling and/ or biological father. Eventually, the whole family found out and everyone is keeping this a secret from Brian.
My father approached his brother (my uncle, Brian’s dad), and he admitted the infidelity to my father but refuses to tell his son.
It seems that his wife (my aunt) is aware of the infidelity and this biological child. It’s been a year and I feel sick trying to hold this secret.
This isn’t the first indication of dysfunction in my extended family, and I’m ready to remove myself from them and simply be loyal to my cousin, who I believe deserves to know of his sibling. What should I do?
Caring Cousin
Dear Cousin: If this woman was able to contact one cousin, it seems logical that she‘d also be able to eventually reach her half-brother.
Tell your uncle, “I’m sure this is a very tough situation for you, but I am extremely uncomfortable continuing to keep this a secret from Brian. I do not want to interfere, so please let me know when you are planning to tell Brian about this. He is an adult and I genuinely believe he has a right to know that he has a half-sister.”