Pondering risks of a visit

Dear Amy: My husband and I (ages 55 and 62) have followed CDC guidelines throughout the pandemic: masking, social distancing, limiting time in stores, etc. We have kept very much to ourselves.

Only after being vaccinated did we return to socializing with other vaccinated couples.

My dilemma is this: I have an elderly unvaccinated family member who is complaining that I haven’t been to see them since last spring. They, however, are regularly visiting with other unvaccinated family members. All of these family members have in fact had COVID.

I do feel bad that I have not been to see them, but I haven’t wanted to take unnecessary risks.

Because I am vaxxed and boostered, am I worrying too much or being too stringent?

I’m also trying to sort through how upset I am at their refusal to get vaccinated, and how this plays into my feelings about visiting. Struggling to

Navigate

Dear Struggling: You seem confident in your own protection from the COVID-19 virus (and obviously, any emerging variants will affect your risk assessment and behavior).

If you don’t want to visit this elderly family member, you could explain to them that you won’t be visiting because they aren’t vaccinated and you don’t want to risk exposing them to the virus.

Or you could tell them the truth: “I’m so upset with you for not getting vaccinated. I’m very disappointed, and it makes me not want to visit with you right now. This is a consequence of your choice, and I’m very sorry.”

Practice that a few times and see how it feels.

Dear Amy: I’ve known “Christopher” since 2008. We dated for about a year and broke up after a big fight, but we’ve stayed in touch on and off.

Christopher is a retired, disabled veteran of the Iraq war. After our breakup in 2009, he called me from a counseling session, to share with me that he had severe PTSD, and he shared the very traumatic event that contributed to his PTSD.

I was floored, and heartbroken. At that time, I made the (horrible) decision to share that conversation with my mother and my sister. I now realize that I had no business sharing that with anyone and have kept it private ever since.

Christopher is planning to travel across the country with me to spend Christmas with my mother and sister. Should I tell him that my mother and sister know what happened in the war?

I’m afraid that if I tell him that they know he may decide not to come, or worse, he may never want to be around them again.

He feels ashamed of this event, even though it was not his fault, and he handled himself like a true soldier.

Betrayed his Trust

Dear Betrayed: You should tell Christopher the truth about your disclosure to these family members. You can tell him that you did so early on, when you were searching for support.

He has been extremely honest and vulnerable with you, and you should be brave enough to be honest with him now.

This is one of those “elephant in the room” situations, and it would be best for him to be prepared for it.