Reach out one last time

Dear Amy: I am very concerned about a former coworker. I met “Gerry” two years ago when we were on the same project team.

Gerry was a funny person and has been open about her mental health struggles. After the project ended, we went our separate ways but continued to follow each other on Instagram.

When the pandemic hit, Gerry would discuss how tough the lockdowns were, and we would share recipes, etc.

Now, with the rise of the Omicron variant, I believe that she has completely spiraled into a dark rabbit hole.

On Instagram, she would constantly post photos and link the usernames of local politicians, calling them Nazis because of restrictions.

I reached out to Gerry to see if she needed someone to talk to, but I just got chewed out. It has been a few weeks since then, and I have stopped following her Instagram account. However, another mutual friend mentioned to me that Gerry’s posts are getting worse, so much worse that she was written up at work for a particularly bad one.

I am not sure if I should reach out again and offer her a friendly shoulder to cry on, or if I should cut my losses and let her sit in the mess she is creating for herself. Your advice? Torn

Dear Torn: I think you should reach out, one more time, in a neutral and benign way along the lines of: “Hi, I’m checking in. I’ve been wondering how you’re doing lately.”

If she responds with a toxic rant, you could reply, “I realize this is tough; I’m sorry.” If she responds with a personal attack on you, you should not respond but back away and be done with your personal involvement.

If a mutual acquaintance reaches out with concerns about her, you might suggest that the person contact Gerry directly, instead of involving you.

Dear Amy: Is dating/going out with more than one person at a time passé?

You recently printed a letter from someone who is attracted to someone close (geographically) who is in a “long-distance” relationship with someone else. While I have no quibble with your response as to how to go about exploring the possibility of establishing a closer relationship, is it possible for the person at the center of this triangle to have a relationship (of whatever degree) with both people without feeling guilty?

Perhaps it was just the times I grew up in, the ’50s and ’60s, but there was certainly no problem, on either side, if I and/or the girls I was dating were each seeing more than just one person.

At times I was going out with three or four girls simultaneously. I don’t think I was alone in this.

Wondering

Dear Wondering: Generally, if you are interested in or attracted to someone who you know is in a long-standing monogamous relationship with someone else, respecting that person’s other commitment is the most ethical thing to do.

It also happens to be an extremely attractive way to behave. Emotional issues aside, awareness of the risk of STDs has made it important for people to be transparent about their dating and sex lives.

That having been said, seeing more than one person at a time is not passé. Playing the field is basically why the internet was invented.