Win by supporting friend

Dear Amy: My best friend, “Maria,” and I are both 14 years old. Recently, Maria revealed to me that a tendency of mine annoys her.

She and I have very similar interests, so we try out for similar things in school.

Maria has been practicing the whole year to try out for the hockey team. I also plan to try out for the team, with no experience, just because it looks fun.

Every time the subject of tryouts came up, Maria would give other friends a look and then look back at me. This obviously bothers her.

After a couple of weeks dealing with this, I asked her about it, and she explained that she found it annoying that everything she does I do, and I usually come out on top.

She mentioned volleyball tryouts, where I made the team and she didn’t. Then she moved on to the subject of boys, where one guy she liked started talking to me and never talked to her again.

She further explained that although none of that is technically my fault in any way, it annoys her when I talk about them.

Now I don’t know what I can talk about with her. Discontinuing the friendship is not an option, so how should I go about this?

Lonely at the Top

Dear Lonely: It is challenging to be bested by your bestie, and surely you can see why Maria finds your excellence annoying.

Does this mean that you need to stop excelling, or to alter your own plans? No!

Girls sometimes have a way of diminishing or apologizing for their own strengths and successes in order to protect the egos of their friends. I hope you won’t do that.

Maria was honest with you, and you seem to have responded defensively: “If I can’t talk about competing with you, then what are we going to talk about?” That’s a cop-out, and I bet you’re more creative than that.

You can be supportive in the name of friendship, while still trying your hardest to win.

Dear Amy: I’m conflicted. I am a single mom and relationship-wise have had very bad luck.

I’ve finally found the man of my dreams. To top it off, he is also amazing with my son. Unfortunately, there is one big issue.

He is about to be offered a job in China (where he is originally from), and I wouldn’t be able to move overseas with him.

Before he met me, his plan was to accept this job once the position became available, but now he’s conflicted.

Should I break off our relationship until he makes that decision on his own?

I don’t want to feel like I’m keeping him from something he ultimately wanted, as he wasn’t happy in the States prior to meeting me. Conflicted

Over China

Dear Conflicted: I don’t think you proactively breaking off the relationship would be useful. In fact, it might seem like a manipulation, even though you don’t mean it that way.

The answer is to love him through this. Assure him that you will support his choice to move back to China, if he decides that is best for him.

Do your best to accept his own wavering, without jumping in with answers. This sort of selflessness on your part is how you will express your love and respect for him.