Get out of the text group

Dear Amy: My extended family members prefer to communicate through texting. Group texts are routinely over 500 words long.

Full-blown fights and disagreements are communicated through texting. If I telephone someone because I don’t enjoy typing on the phone, they won’t answer.

I recently found out that a family member had COVID. I learned this through a posting on Facebook. When I responded to the Facebook post by saying I hope everyone gets better soon, I was yelled at by text for not texting my well wishes!

Am I obsolete? Is this normal? I can’t take these text fights anymore, and my husband is so frustrated that he wants to end all communication.

What is the best way to deal with this?

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: You seem to assume that whoever yells at you the loudest is correct. That might be the norm in your family, but generally if someone posts on Facebook, then a response to that posting is also appropriate on Facebook.

Regardless of the medium, if you don’t want to be yelled at or included in group fights among extended family members, then leave the room.

Group texts can be extremely disruptive, as your phone blows up, sometimes through the night. Group texts also can lead to misunderstandings, because people often seem to type faster than they think.

You can leave this virtual family reunion by searching “how to leave a group text” and following the instructions for your device.

If you do this, you’ll miss out on some of your family’s roundelays, gossip, updates and fights. You won’t care, because you won’t know about these things.

Stay on Facebook if that works for you, and text or call individual family members with whom you want to stay in touch. Also, send postcards, letters, telegrams or ice cream cakes. Communicate with others the way you want to.

Dear Amy: I am a female senior citizen. I’m active and slim, and I have a healthy diet.

When I attend family events, there is always plenty of food to be enjoyed by all.

My problem is that the obese women in my family like to make comments about my plate of food. They say things like, “Is that all you’re eating? No wonder you’re so skinny.”

Then everyone who heard the comment will laugh or add another comment.

I find this annoying and hurtful. If I commented on an obese person’s plate, I would be vilified.

What would be a good comeback that would put a stop to this without causing harm?

Stop Judging Me

Dear Judging: You might set a better example for the others in your family if you didn’t also consistently describe them only by their body type.

All the same, you don’t want people to comment on your food choices and your body shape, and you are absolutely correct to call out the double standard when it comes to comments.

If this happens again, you could say, “I have an idea: how about we all agree not to comment on each other’s food choices and body size? Let’s just enjoy our meal and the fact that we can be together.”