Show up for grandmother

Dear Amy: My grandmother is 91 and lives on her own. Her husband died a year ago. She has a few other grandchildren locally. I’ve always been her favorite because I was the first grandson.

My mom lives less than a mile away and sees her almost daily, and my grandmother talks to her neighbors, so she isn’t isolated.

I am in my 40s and live 20 miles away.

Ever since I learned to drive, my grandmother has asked me to come over for dinner. She often tries to lock me into a date for the next dinner before the one I’m eating is even finished.

This has always been annoying. Over the years I would jokingly complain about it but let it go. This past year, it’s gotten worse.

Now she expects me to come at least twice a week and complains if she doesn’t get enough time with me.

I cringe when she calls or texts because I know I’ll be asked to come over for dinner. Then I have to come up with some excuse — or cave.

I could visit three or four times a week and it still wouldn’t be enough! I don’t want her to stop inviting me; I just don’t want to make it a part of every conversation.

Without sounding selfish or uncaring, how do I tell her this behavior is annoying?

Favorite Grandson

Dear Favorite: I do not give you permission to give your 91-year-old grandmother the brush-off.

One solution is to have a standing date once a week with her. Every Sunday afternoon, you will drive over to see her. If you can also see her at other times, that will be a bonus for both of you.

If she agitates about the next date, remind her: “Sunday is just a few days away. I’m looking forward to it!”

Your grandmother was widowed last year. She has been through a lot.

Come on, man! You can handle a little annoyance. Show up.

Dear Amy: I appreciate the support you show in your column toward extraordinary fathers.

You ran a question from “Conflicted,” whose father always gave her spending money when she went on vacation. (Conflicted’s husband was offended by it.)

In 1941, my dad was 5 years old when his mother died. One week later, his father dumped all eight children onto the state to grow up separately — being used as farmhands at various locations across the state.

It was a lonely, abusive and sad childhood.

When he was 13, he ended up at a home next to my mom’s farm; the two kids fell madly in love. It really was an incredible love story.

My father spent his entire life giving everything he could to our family.

Every Mother’s Day after I became a mother, he gave me money to buy flowers for my yard and vegetables for our garden. Every scratch ticket he won he put in a card and surprised me for no reason. Every event, every vacation and every holiday he made extra special with all the wonderful things he did.

The void that was left in our lives when this wonderful man died is enormous.

The legacy of his selflessness and generosity lives on, as I am my father’s daughter, and I have passed these lessons on to my children.

Conflicted’s husband should be proud that she has a thoughtful, generous dad. It’s a beautiful attribute.

Dear Missing: Thank you for this tribute to the tremendous power of love