Military marriage on edge
Dear Amy: My daughter has been married almost a year. Her husband is in the military, and they had to get hitched so she could live with him during the COVID-19 lockdowns.
They live on an isolated military base. She takes care of the house, started a business and volunteers for the Red Cross. She just graduated from college but there is no work on the base for her.
He came home from work last night and told her he has been unhappy for a while and wants a divorce. He said counseling won’t help; his mind is made up. Then he stayed at a friend’s house. He won’t take her calls.
The two of them did some premarital counseling and have some relationship books, so they have tools.
I told her to email him to say what she is feeling, because it is not right for him to treat her like this. She is devastated and doesn’t know what she’s done wrong.
Last month they were talking about starting a family. How are they on divorce’s doorstep?
He has just decided that it’s over and she needs to pack and leave?
What should her first steps be? She lives several states away, so going to give her a hug is not possible, but
I need to help her.
She is alone and doesn’t know where to turn.
I encouraged her to see the pastor on base (this is the only counselor), but she is hesitant. Your advice?
J
Dear J: Keep in close touch with your daughter. I agree that she should see the base chaplain. The chaplain cannot save her marriage but will know the next steps the couple need to take if they decide to separate — or if her husband alone decides to make this break permanent.
Military OneSource is a helpful online portal provided by the U.S. Department of Defense. The site covers most conceivable topics of importance to military families, and offers a live chat function as well as telephone counseling support.
Your daughter’s first step should be to research her legal options and responsibilities. She got married quickly — it might be best to dissolve this brief marriage quickly.
My understanding is that if they divorce, your daughter will lose her access to livein military housing.
As her supportive parent, you should encourage her to breathe and take things step by step. If possible, offer to help her pack the U-Haul.
Dear Amy: I am a young adult who is hoping to break into the music industry. I use social media to network and connect with other artists, posting events, photos, etc.
My well-meaning Nana leaves comments and shares all my posts to her page.
It’s completely embarrassing and comes across as unprofessional. How do I get her to stop without hurting her feelings or blocking her?
Off Key
Dear Off Key: First of all, how sweet. I’m at the age where I believe that proud Nanas are pretty cool.
Once you make it big, you’ll be able to own this with pride. Her fandom could be your superpower. There might be clever ways to use her engagement to promote your work. (A sample: “Goth’s Earworm: Easily as good as REO Speedwagon! (my Nana)”)
In the meantime, you can mute her comments without her being aware of it.
Make sure you’re engaging through the best social channels for your career. Your Nana likely isn’t on TikTok, but if she is, you probably should follow her lead.