Give girlfriend her space

Dear Amy: My 26-year-old son has been dating a girl for more than two years. We all get along really well.

My husband and I recently moved two hours away. We’ve stayed at their apartment about five times in the past eight months.

We only stay one night and usually take them out to dinner or have other fun activities with them.

One time, we were there to see other friends, but staying with them was still handy because they keep an eye on our dogs.

My son doesn’t mind at all, as he has told us.

I recently found out his girlfriend does mind, and has told him that we abuse their hospitality and that she doesn’t feel comfortable in her own home when we’re there (although she has no problem accepting free meals/drinks from us).

My son recently tried to break up with her (before this situation arose), but she talked him out of it.

I’m so distraught and hurt. I no longer feel comfortable staying there. Nor do I feel comfortable having her stay at our home or even being around her.

She doesn’t know that he told me how she feels. Any advice?

Upset

Dear Upset: It might help to look at this from her point of view. After all, it’s her home too.

I assume that you have been staying with them mainly due to the convenience of their home being in your previous hometown, and although these visits haven’t been long or numerous, you are not responding to invitations from them but are asking to stay there.

You should have included your son’s girlfriend on any requests to stay, versus only going through your son. That way she’d have a say on whether she wanted to share her home on that date.

It must be said that bringing dogs to someone’s home overnight is a high-impact thing to do, even if your dogs are well behaved.

Your son and his girlfriend seem not to have handled this as you’d like, but your choice to run her down in response to her stating her honest feelings is unfair.

She is trying to establish a boundary. You should approach this awkward situation in a direct and respectful way, with the goal being to work this out versus avoiding her forever.

Dear Amy: I’m a single 53year-old woman and I’ve been struggling with multiple sclerosis for 20 years now.

I walk with a cane and wear leg braces.

I’ve been invited to a close friend’s daughter’s wedding. The reception is outside and in the heat of late August.

Heat exacerbates my MS symptoms. I would struggle and most likely sit at a table by myself while everyone is dancing and socializing.

I’m happy to attend the nuptials and give a nice gift, but I don’t think it’s in my best interest to attend the reception.

I fear my friend and her daughter may be offended. How do I handle this?

Concerned Guest

Dear Concerned Guest:

Your friends will not be offended that you can’t stay for the wedding reception, but they will be honored and happy if you attend the most important part of this celebration — the ceremony.

Contact them as soon as possible. Say, “I’m honored to be included, but because of my health concerns I won’t be able to make it to the reception. I would like to attend the ceremony. If that presents any difficulties, I hope you’ll let me know.”