Baby’s father backs away

Dear Amy: I am a financially responsible and secure 24-year-old woman.

A few months ago I discovered that I am pregnant. The father is my longtime boyfriend, “Tony,” whom I have been with exclusively for a couple of years.

Well, Tony is now my exboyfriend, I guess. He became very upset when he learned about this unplanned pregnancy (I was upset too), and told me he would not have anything to do with the baby and would demand a paternity test.

My dilemma now has to do with his parents. They are nice people and I’ve known them for a couple of years. Tony has said that he won’t tell his folks about the pregnancy until after the birth and paternity is established.

There is no question that he is the father of this child, and I believe his folks should be told about the pregnancy. I don’t want anything from them, but I assume they would want to know about the prospect of their first grandchild.

My folks know and are very supportive and happy.

I’m wondering what you think I should do.

Unsure

Dear Unsure: I think you should let them know about your pregnancy.

Tony might be panicking. He is definitely being a prize jerk about the prospect of becoming a father.

He has the right to have the baby’s paternity verified, but given that he has at this point walked away, you have sole responsibility for this unborn child, which means your judgment regarding disclosure should prevail.

People do sometimes work their way back to accepting and enjoying their parenting relationship once the dust settles, and an honest, healthy and positive relationship with your child’s grandparents might help Tony to accept his child.

It is vital that you receive accurate legal advice regarding your mutual rights and responsibilities as parents before the child is born.

Singlemothersgrants.org offers a comprehensive state-by-state guide to financial and legal assistance for moms without partners.

Dear Amy: Here we are, just past the start of the new year, and my resolutions are already flagging. I usually make a few, write them down, then feel like a loser as I don’t follow through.

I’d like suggestions about how to keep my resolutions.

Unresolved

Dear Unresolved: I am engaged in a never-ending hunt for self-improvement. I’ll pass along a few tricks that worked for me.

Take baby steps. “Lose 10 pounds” is too vague and open-ended. “Eat vegan three times a week” or “No alcohol during the work week” are achievable goals.

If you are working on decluttering your life, start with one small area. Take pictures of your progress.

Use technology that motivates you. I like the Couch to 5K app, which prompts very gradual improvement.

Work toward your goal in the morning, if possible. The sense of accomplishment sets you up for a better day.

Make the path smooth. Lay out your workout gear the night before, so you see it in the morning.

“Habit stacking” is a way to bind habits you already have with those you’d like to acquire. For instance, for every cup of coffee you drink, also drink a cup of water.

Go easy on yourself! If you miss your goal for a few days, don’t give up. Instead, forgive yourself, adjust your goal if necessary, and lace up those sneakers.