‘It’s okay not to be okay,’ local LMFT tells Realtor

More Americans are struggling with mental health issues tied to worry and stress over the coronavirus. According to a report from the Kaiser Family Foundation, the number has Americans experiencing these feelings increased from 32 percent in March to 53 percent in July. Other issues compounding stress include troubling events in the news and for Bay Area residents, the wildfires and heavy smoke that have beset the region.

At a Silicon Valley Association of Realtors meeting, Los Gatos licensed marriage and family therapist Michele Barbic said many people are experiencing all kinds of emotions during this time and they are grieving. These feelings are affecting all age groups.

“Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior,” said Barbic. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, a home, a job, or even a real estate transaction or lifestyle, people grieve and keep these feelings to themselves.

When you experience the disruption of life as you know it, “be gentle to yourself,” Barbic told

Realtors. She said people need to acknowledge the “elephant in the room” and not allow the grief they are experiencing to fester inside, or those feelings can cause stress on their mind and body.

Barbic noted studies indicate more adults are turning to increased alcohol consumption or drug use to help cope with their woes. Calls to the suicide hotline have increased dramatically.

Society does not deal well with grief, said Barbic. Many people fall into the trap of “toxic positivity.” When asked how they are, they say they are fine, even if they are not.

Like the book title says, “It’s okay not to be okay,” said Barbic.”we need to be authentic and honest with ourselves, acknowledge these feelings, process them so we can move on. We won’t have the opportunity to turn things around and grow and move forward, unless we do. We have a choice to come out to be better people, or we can suppress these feelings and self-destruct.”

Barbic related how she and her husband, 2019 SILVAR President Alan Barbic, faced personal challenges. Their home was destroyed during the

1985 Lexington fire and then again during the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake, and the couple had to rebuild their home twice.

Then she also lost her mother. She moved on and found her calling counseling children, teens, adults dealing with grief, trauma, and life’s transitions.

The marriage and family therapist suggests talking about feelings and channeling emotions by journaling and by being active, taking walks, exercising, doing yoga. “Don’t let the elephant sit by. Deal with it. Once we do, we’ll learn more about ourselves and we can take this in the next phase of our life. There’s a gift at the end.”

To those who know a person who is experiencing these feelings,

Barbic said, “Don’t minimize their loss. Acknowledge the other person’s loss. You don’t need to say anything; just be supportive and compassionate, and let them know you are there for them.”

Information provided in this column is presented by the Realtor members of the Silicon Valley Association of Realtors at www.silvar.org. Send questions on any topic to rmeily@silvar.org.