High school senior is missing a lot

DEAR AMY » My beautiful high school senior is having a hard time.

When she was in elementary school, she announced that she would be the high school valedictorian. She has kept her vow. She volunteers for many organizations, tutors middle-school students, is an athlete, and is on the mock trial and academic team.

Her intense discipline, vision, and hard work paid off.

Because of the current national crisis, she will not be able to attend any of the end-of-year banquets, give her farewell speeches, go to prom, walk at graduation, or go to parties.

Her solace now is playing the piano and loving her pets. She still tutors students online.

When she shared her disappointment with a beloved relative, this person responded: “Welcome to adult life. You will discover disappointments at every turn. How you handle bad luck and disappointments will determine your long-term success.”

Even though I agree with the advice, it feels cold and uncaring.

I know I can’t fix this, but what can her mother and I do to help her get through her disappointments?

— Sad Dad

DEAR DAD » Your “beloved relative” did my job for me.

Every word of what that person said is absolutely true. This is NOT what a hurting teenager wants to hear, but I assure you — this

“cold and unfeeling” wisdom will come back to her time and time again. Eventually, she will be grateful for it.

The experiences she and her cohorts are absorbing during this period will stay with them for the rest of their lives. They will remember it as being an extremely challenging and unfair time, that nonetheless taught them many things. When they have children of their own, they will try to pass along some of the wisdom your relative tried to impart (and it will no-doubt be met with generational skepticism).

Granted — any tough love is easier to hear when it is accompanied by a hug, tenderness, and the reaction that every hurting person values which is to feel seen and understood. That’s what you and her mother will deliver.

I would add one thing. Even though your daughter will miss the public accolades and experiences that she so sincerely deserves to receive, she will always have this: She gets to spend the rest of her life being HER — the accomplished, caring, smart and kind person who (along with countless young people around the world), caught a very tough break. My heart goes out to them. I wish I could take every last one of them to the prom.