These office mates cannot be friends

DEARAMY » I have known “Camilla” for 20 years. She is the closest friend I have, but I know she doesn’t feel the same about me. Instead, she tends to lean on me when her actual closest friend, “Elizabeth,” hurts her in some way. The three of us all work together.

Over the last three months, Camilla has leaned on me a lot, confiding in me that she was trying to find a way to extract herself from her friendship with Elizabeth without too much drama.

However, two weeks ago, Camilla literally yelled at me — in front of Elizabeth — for no reason other than Camilla had just gotten a bad haircut and I happened to walk into the room as she was telling Elizabeth about it.

I was somortified that I just backed out of the room.

It also happened to be Camilla’s birthday.

Just three hours earlier she was opening a birthday gift fromme, telling me how much she loved it, and me. Now she has stopped taking my calls and will not respond to my texts.

I am deeply hurt by this. It may be time for me to redefine my relationship with her. I love her dearly, and I understand that she doesn’t consider me her closest friend, but this recent berating and subsequent cold shoulder are not acceptable in my mind.

Am I overreacting? What do I say to her the next time Elizabeth hurts her and she wants a shoulder to cry on?

DEARHURTING » Life at your office seems like a veritable den of drama. This is not to diminish how hurt you feel, but to advise you to step carefully.

So yes — “redefine,” and do so quickly, while you still seem to hold a shred of affection for “Camilla” (why you do is something of a mystery).

If she comes to you complaining about “Elizabeth,” listen, don’t react, say something innocuous, like, “Well, that’s a shame,” and then tell her you’ve got to go. If she sidles up to you, wanting to be closer, you should continue to be neutral and noncommittal.

In addition to taking the air out of this “mean girl’s” balloon, you caring much less will also drive her just a little bit bananas.

DEARAMY » I signed my letter to you, “Sad and Confused.” I wondered whether to travel to see my 87-year- old father, who was dying.

I wanted to give you an update. We did go to visit my dad. We were able to see himfor about a halfhour. During that time he was completely cognizant and lucid. It was amazing. We talked about the family and even had him laughing. There were no sad goodbyes.

I just want to say that I wouldn’t trade that halfhour for anything. It was worth the 14-hour drive and all the complications. — No Longer Sad and

Confused

DEARNOLONGERSAD » You did the right thing.