Misogynistic behavior is unacceptable at every age

I was continually disturbed during the past four years by our president’s words and actions. Nothing disturbed me more than his history with women.

The list of women who have alleged abusive behavior on his part is deeply troubling. Even if a few might be dubious, the sheer number makes total denial absurd. The list of almost two dozen allegations includes a tenyearold girl and two 14 year old girls.

I find it painful whenever I see anyone treating another as an object, with an apparent lack of empathy and respect. Sometimes it’s a parent with a child. Most often it’s racist and/or sexist condescension and contempt. Donald Trump brought this behavior into the foreground.

Treating women as objects, his behavior ranged from hostile to aggressive, frequently verbal, sometimes physical. He is the embodiment of what happens when “boys will be boys” becomes “boys whose disrespect for women isn’t rectified can become misogynist presidents.”

Misogyny is commonly defined as dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women, with the belief that men are much better than women. Trump fits the definition.

But while he’s been the focus, he’s the tip of the iceberg. The currents of misogyny in this country, including Marin, run deep. Many men embrace his vision of masculinity as male dominance and treat women as objects. Thousands of women live with the consequences every day, affecting everything from self- esteem to the ability to support oneself financially to literal physical safety.

Every year more than 760 women are killed by current or former intimate partners with guns. This doesn’t include the killings that take place outside the domestic sphere, often violence by men against women who reject or deny them sex.

One of the most powerful indictments of misogyny comes in the book, “Men Who Hate Women: From Incels to Pickup Artists, The Truth About Extreme Misogyny and How it Affects All of Us,” by Laura Bates. It is set for publication and available online in early March.

If you’re not familiar with those who identify as Incels (involuntary celibates), they are a community of extremists devoted to violent hatred of women, who’ve caused injury or death to over 100 people in the last 10 years, this book is a way to learn about them.

The book, which should be required reading for teachers and parents, emphasizes more extreme misogyny, but shows how it starts with less extreme adolescent behavior. Adolescent male peer culture is rife with misogyny.

Demeaning talk about girls fills hallways and hangout places. In almost every high school where I’ve spent time

I’ve heard comments that degrade girls: “Did you score?” the words “ho” and “b—-,” labeling girls as “sluts” or “easy marks,” as “good,” or “bad.” This talk is also often hurled at girls, while the behavior is lamely excused as “boys will be boys.” In a recent survey, 87% of girls 17 to 25 years old reported that at some time they were the victim of sexual harassment.

Until we acknowledge the extent to which this misogyny is spreading violence and hurting men and women alike, the pain and associated tragedies will continue. I‘m tired of denials and verbal attacks by men who apparently feel threatened when called out for misogynistic behavior. So- called “male fragility” mustn’t stand in the way of acknowledging legitimate complaints about disrespectful and damaging behavior.

Marin boys should be trained and restrained. A tough love approach should combine consciousness raising, including direct in-person exposure to the stories of abused women, with tough consequences for exhibiting the behavior. Teachers who demean women in their statements or treatment of other teachers or students, should be disciplined. Students who exhibit misogynist behavior should also face strong consequences.

The consciousness raising should be done with care, but any boy who directly exhibits this behavior should be required to do volunteer work with a local organization or nonprofit helping women.

These are modest actions that every school district can take. Failure to do so is complicit in the continuance of this behavior.

Until we acknowledge the extent to which this misogyny is spreading violence and hurting men and women alike, the pain and associated tragedies will continue.