Teen forces gay friend out of the closet

DEAR READERS >> Every year during this time I step away from my column to work on other creative projects. I hope you enjoy these (edited) “Best Of” Q&As from 10 years ago.

Today’s topic is: Coming out.

DEAR AMY >> I am a 15-year-old girl.

I have known my friend “James” for 10 years. We are close. We attend the same school and church. Our religion is against gay marriage.

A few days ago, I was on Facebook but it was logged into my friend “Tiffany’s” account. I didn’t realize I was logged into her account until I read a message that James sent her. James told Tiffany that he was gay.

I told my sister what I found out, and then she told my father.

My dad told James’ dad, and the whole thing got back to James. James now hates me. He says that I shouldn’t have been looking through Tiffany’s messages, and that I should have kept the news about him to myself. I told him the whole story, but he doesn’t believe me.

Was I wrong for telling my sister? What can I do to fix our friendship?

— Sad Teen

DEAR TEEN >> “James” is right. Though it is possible to be on Facebook under someone else’s account without necessarily realizing it, you read your friend’s private message and then, after you knew this message was private, you disclosed it to someone else.

When you are close friends with someone, you should take your personal questions and concerns directly to them.

James now doesn’t have the option to make his own choice about how to talk about his own life because you and your family have made this choice for him.

You’ve made a mistake. The most you can do now is also the best thing to do — always. Tell the truth. Acknowledge your mistake. Ask for forgiveness, and hope it will be granted.

(October 2011)

DEAR AMY >> I am a gay man, and I have been involved with a younger guy (he’s 25 and I’m 48) for close to a year.

We have a million things in common. He’s very new to the whole relationship thing and hasn’t come out to anyone yet.

Because of this, we mainly stay home. I’ve talked to him about confiding in a friend or a family member to feel better about himself and become more comfortable in his own skin, but he’s dragging his feet.

I have no intention to deliver ultimatums, but I don’t want this to go on forever.

— No Closets

DEAR CLOSETS: >>You say you two have a million things in common, but I can think of two very important things you don’t have in common: your age and your life-stage. You, for instance, know who you are. And you are trying to mitigate his immaturity by telling him who he is. You sound like a nice guy, but this is not a relationship of equals.

(May 2011)