Friends don’t let friends snoop into finances

DEAR AMY >> I gave my neighbor, who is my best friend, access to my home to care for my animals while on vacation. This is something our families have done for each other over the years. Along with caring for our animals, they brought in our mail.

My husband and I have become uneasy about allowing them access to our mail but felt awkward saying it was being held at the post office when they would be coming to our home each day, anyway.

They have been making presumptuous comments about our financial situation. The comments are accurate and contain information we have never shared with them.

Upon returning home from our recent vacation, some envelopes looked like they’d been tampered with. These envelopes all contained investment statements.

The specific comments they’ve made about our finances leaves me with little doubt that they opened our mail to see how much money we have.

We can’t be 100 percent certain that they opened our mail, but feel 85 percent certain that they did.

We have been extremely close friends for over 20 years. Now I feel like their curiosity destroyed our friendship because we can no longer trust them.

I have been sick about this. If we confront them, I have no doubt they will deny it and it would ruin our friendship. If we don’t confront them, it will just fester and damage our friendship, anyway.

— Betrayed, Hurt & Sad

DEAR BETRAYED >> Opening mail addressed to someone else (without their permission) is a serious offense and accusing them of this would be a serious accusation.

One way to avoid making a direct accusation would be to say, “We are worried that some of our mail might have been tampered with or opened while we were away. Did you notice anything unusual about it when you were bringing it into the house?”

Regardless of their guilt or innocence, your trust in these friends has obviously eroded. You should lock down your financial information. Decline paper copies of your investment statements and use an online-only system.

Notify each provider that paper statements might have been seen, and ask what additional security steps you might need to take.

In the future, have your mail held at the post office when you go away. You don’t need to explain this choice at all. Anyone could take or tamper with your mail if they are aware that you are away.

If this couple is so bold as to bring up your specific financial situation, you should call them on it: “We don’t discuss our finances and wish you weren’t so curious about this.”