Stepmother's generous cooking leaves out the `love'

My stepdaughter, “Serena,” and her husband, “Ned,” have two small children, ages 2 and 4. They also both have demanding, stressful jobs.

During the pandemic, in order to help out, I offered to cook dinner four nights a week for her family.

Serena very much appreciates my help and almost always enjoys what I cook--soup, chili, meatloaf, spaghetti sauce, stews, chicken enchiladas, and the like. All dishes that transport easily.

The problem is that Ned does not like onions. I put onions in almost every entrée I prepare!

His mother apparently catered to this aversion and never used onions in her cooking. Of course, I could leave out the onions in the portions I give her family, but Sarah wouldn't find the dishes so palatable.

In addition, their two children might develop the same aversion, so omitting onions would only perpetuate the problem.

Also, to me, leaving out onions deprives this family of the opportunity to try new tastes.

Do you have any words of wisdom?

— Bay Area Stepmom

Cook

My basic reaction is — if this is you “helping out,” then I wonder what service you would perform if you were deliberately trying to disrespect someone.

I think it's unkind to deliberately provide someone a food containing an ingredient that you know they have an adverse reaction to (or simply don't eat), with no option on their part to remove the ingredient.

Onions can make some people ill. They tend to add a strong flavor to foods, and so if you merely hate the taste of onions, it's not like you can just eat around them.

It would be kindest to leave them out of your cooked foods — or include two versions of these dishes. Every time your son-in-law witnessed this thoughtfulness, he would think: “She remembered me!”

Is this “catering” to someone? Yes! If your stepdaughter had a similar aversion, wouldn't you cater to it?

You don't want someone's aversion to control your cooking, but another way to look at it is — if you did recognize this man's challenge and did your best to work around it — you'd be demonstrating to this family that you are performing an act of service as a way to convey your love and respect for each of them, not just for the onion-eaters.

You should not be in charge of (or worrying about) the palettes of these young children. That's their parents' job.