Man witnesses assault, wonders what to do

DEAR AMY >> I am a 30-year-old gay man who doesn't particularly like children.

While I was shopping at the grocery store, I saw a man smack his little baby across the face.

The child began crying and sucking its thumb.

I was shocked and disgusted.

Is there anything a person can do in these circumstances?

I feel guilty for not advocating for an infant who appeared to be less than two years old.

— Not a Parent

DEAR NOT A PARENT >> Thank you for recognizing that even though you “don't like them,” young children are helpless human beings who should not be assaulted, by a parent or by anyone else.

Yes, you should have attempted to advocate for this child. Ways to do this would be to say, “Whoa whoa — wait a minute. Is everything OK here?” (You don't want to risk an escalation by responding too aggressively.)

And then you should have also contacted store security and/or called 911. This incident might have been caught on the store's security cameras.

Slapping a baby across the face is assault and abuse. Yes, it is shocking and disgusting, and this person (who might not have been the baby's parent — or even related to the baby) should be stopped, and this baby protected.

DEAR AMY >> This week is the one-year anniversary of my mom's death.

She died suddenly of lung cancer, two weeks after her diagnosis. I'm still very much grieving.

My parents were married for over 40 years. My dad started dating a woman less than two months after my mom's death.

He just announced that they're engaged, and getting married next month. It seems SO sudden.

I couldn't even bring myself to tell him congratulations. Should I feel guilty for not wanting to attend the wedding or spend time with the two of them together?

— Still Sad

DEAR SAD >> My condolences on your mother's death. This is a loss you will be processing in many different ways for a long time. There is no one way to grieve her loss, but one thing you may be discovering now is how closely sadness and anger seem to reside.

My point is that “sad” can sometimes feel like “mad,” and I think it could help you to realize this.

You should communicate honestly with your father. You've never met the woman he is marrying, so be honest about your own feelings without judging him — or her. Simply express your ongoing sadness and tell him that you know he deserves to be happy, but that this is hard on you.

It's important to recognize that this is not about your mother, or you, but about him — and he believes that he is moving forward.

Accepting his choice (even if you're not ready to witness it) will be an important part of your relationship with him.