Showing support for transgender youth is lifesaving work
I am a parent of a transgender person who grew up in and received gender-affirming care here in Marin County. As a parent, author, advocate, workshop presenter, support-group facilitator and parent coach, I know how important it is for transgender youth to receive the care they need.
When I first started looking for information and support to help me understand my child almost 15 years ago, I was lucky to find some great resources.
But at the time there were only a scant few voices and websites that were able to provide information and perspective about parenting a transgender child. Now there are so many great resources available on the Internet and elsewhere. Sadly, there is also a lot of misinformation, fear, hate, and ignorance.
According to Trevor Project, a leading resource for LGBTQ+ youth and their families, “LGBTQ youth are not inherently prone to suicide risk because of their sexual orientation or gender identity but rather placed at higher risk because of how they are mistreated and stigmatized in society.”
Gender-affirming care is necessary and lifesaving. California law protects the rights of transgender adults and youth to receive the care they need.
Gender dysphoria is defined by Merriam Webster Dictionary as: distressed state arising from conflict between a person's gender identity and the sex the person has or was identified as having at birth. Also: a condition marked by such distress. The longer someone lives with gender dysphoria, the more persistent their suffering can be. Supporting trans youth to get the gender-affirming care they need lowers their risk of suicide and gives them the chance to be healthy adults living their authentic lives.
Many of the trans adults who have shared their personal stories with me said they wish they could have accessed care earlier in their lives.
“Growing up in Marin, I didn't notice many `mirrors' or folks in the community who had similar identities and intersections to mine,” said Mavi Pilloton, a manager at The Spahr Center. “I also didn't have many `windows' into the possibilities of who I could be. As a queer, nonbinary and multiracial person who still lives in Marin, I often feel unsafe and isolated.
“When I started to explore my gender a few years ago, I gained the language and understanding to embrace my nonbinary identity. And that journey included having gender-affirming surgery.
“I had the privilege of access. But not everyone does, and that needs to change. Access to gender-affirming care is non-negotiable and not political. Genderaffirming care is lifesaving. It has been for me. … I have seen firsthand how lifesaving it is for youth as well.”
Gender-affirming care looks different for every individual. Each person should have the opportunity to take the steps necessary for them to feel aligned in mind, body and heart. The decision to take any of these steps should be up to the individual. Decisions about medical steps should be made with the support of a team of professionals, and legally, parents must be involved for anyone under 18.
It is important to note that not all transgender people choose to take medical steps. Some do not want to make any medical changes. Some cannot due to medical reasons. Some cannot take the vital steps they need because they do not have the privilege of access to genderaffirming care.
I wrote a book about my experience called, “He's Always Been My Son: A mother's story about raising her transgender son.” I encourage anyone who wants to learn more about being the parent of a transgender child to read it. It continues to be a good resource for many and supports the current work I do transgender people and their families.
If you are looking for support here in Marin County, The Spahr Center is here for you. Please contact us at TheSpahrCenter.org.
Being transgender is a normal variation of being human. I look forward to a day when all people are seen, safe, supported and loved for who they truly are, and can have access to the lifesaving care they need to be healthy and whole.