It’s a rant about rants and how not to rant so much; and a few good bad jokes, too

“Criminy sakes.” That’s what you used to say, or something like it, when all the wheels fell off and nothing was working out and you were pretty sure life was spinning out of control.

Now, you hear expressions vocalized that you can’t even believe you thought of in your head. And then you walk by a vehicle with a bumper sticker that sums things up in even terser terms.

Disgust piles high, runs deep. The world is bustling with unrest. The pandemic has messed up everyone’s lives -- some in minor ways, some in major disasters. We’re all losing control too often and social distancing means we’re practicing positive social interaction even less. Whatever it is about, it is

“their fault.” The economy is going to slip into darkness, we fear. Announce a major development and someone will be mad about it. Announce a moratorium on developments and someone will be mad about it. Write a column about how wearing masks is patriotic and make everyone who hates masks hate you; don’t write enough about COVID protocols and be hated by everyone else. Fill in potholes over there and make someone on the other side of town mad because their potholes are worse. Get a haircut and people squint their eyes at you; don’t get a haircut and people make fun of you. Suffer through the booming base of a stereo with giant speakers in a garage somewhere around the block for a few hours, augmented with yells, splashing, clinking, and loud guffawing, and no one thanks you; turn up your old record player to listen to just one side of your old Led Zeppelin album and someone’s yelling at you (probably your spouse). Take your dog for a walk at night, he’s mad because it’s not long enough; take your dog for a walk on Sunday and he’s miffed because it’s so hot. It’s soooooo hottttt. Don’t quite stop at the sign and the traffic cop is lecturing you; stop too long and the guy in the 20-foot tall truck behind you is lecturing you with hand signals. Rant about some politician not doing enough; then rant about something some politician did too fast. And for gosh sakes, think thrice before you comment on someone’s commentary on Facebook …

Listen, we all know this could go on and on. It’s hard not to be negative. But we’ve got to try. What can you do to feel better?

One of my ideas is to talk more. Talk to someone you just can’t be mean to. Call up one of your parents. If they’re still alive, count yourself lucky and call for a chat … just talk about some happy memories. Call your kids, and talk about that time you went camping and caught all those fish. Call up your best friend from high school ... he or she probably needs someone to talk to as much as you do. Call up your pastor or your mentor or an old teacher or just about anyone ... we all could use just a chat.

Steve Miller is Editor of the AppealDemocrat

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Ugh. My other idea: Weirdly, you can go to your favorite search engine online and type in: “Good Bad Jokes.” And you get a screen full of stupid jokes ... your decision on whether they’re good or bad.

But no matter how bad the joke is, it’s better than yelling about something.

– I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

– What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

– How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

– Why does the math book look sad? It’s got a lot of problems.

– How does a penguin build a house? Igloos it together.