Estranged mom pushes closer after first grandchild’s birth
DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have never been close. We talk to or see each other five or six times a year at family functions. Honestly, I am fine with this.
I recently had a baby (her first grandchild), and suddenly she wants to come over all the time. I have tried to set boundaries (giving a day and time when she may come over), but it makes me look like a bully, and she tells people she doesn’t feel welcome. My issue is she struggles with boundaries. She asks about my finances, inappropriate questions regarding my pregnancy, etc. -- topics I don’t feel comfortable discussing with her.
I honestly don’t view this as my problem. We barely have a relationship and haven’t for a long time, so I think she should take what I am offering. I simply do not care to see a lot of her. If she wants to see the baby, I feel I must be present
by Bigar
(March 21-April 19): Friendships and group affiliations get you involved in an array of new interests. Politics and humanitarian values are a prime focus. Those who lack confidence and experience welcome your kind words and courtesy. Tonight: Love and appreciation surround you.
(April 20-May 20): Established patterns change slowly. Old memories are haunting. Let time be a healer. Patience with elderly people and authority figures is essential. At work much is expected of you. Others rely on your skills. Tonight: You realize that a part of the past must end.
(May 21-June 20): Today is a time to be conscientious and generous. Don’t let others think for an instant that you would take them for granted. When it comes to individual beliefs, allow others to search for their own truth. Tonight: Don’t turn a conversation into a sermon.
(June 21-July 22): Today allows you to purge old financial debts or dilemmas. Others ask you for financial help and advice. Old conditions and stale goals are waning. This is truly a death and rebirth trend. New realities replace old attitudes and priorities. Tonight: You’re aware of interconnections.
(July 23-Aug. 22): Partnerships are growing.
Others want commitment from you. Encourage others to communicate. Conversations and emails help you explore the parameters of important relationships. Moderation is the best policy to adopt. Tonight: Make every effort to understand and respect the views of others.
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22): It’s an emotionally charged day. You’re expressive and especially sensitive. You can treat an old illness or establish a more wholesome daily routine. Pets are especially important. They provide a new level of comfort and companionship. Tonight: Others are preoccupied and distracted.
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Today brings delight in the company of younger people. A child you’re close to seems very grown up. Past obligations melt away. It is easier to enjoy the present and to plan for the future. Tonight: Planning for the future.
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Comfort factors at home are in your thoughts. You would relish a roomier, improved residence. You could seek a new apartment or schedule home improvements. Tonight: There is a new aura of love and contentment coming into your residence and family life.
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Today brings clarity and focus. You have self-confidence and marvelous persuasive talent. Enlist support and seek information. Your word skills are in top form. You produce impressive writing and because her having time alone with the baby is not an option that will work. Should I feel bad that she doesn’t feel welcome? – IT’S COMPLICATED
DEAR IT’S COMPLICATED: I am sorry you weren’t willing to share what caused your estrangement from your mother because it would have given me more to work with. Assuming there is a good reason for it (which I am), your mother is correct about what she’s telling people. She ISN’T welcome. In fact, she’s quite the opposite. If she doesn’t know the reasons for it, you should make them clear to her. Because you are hearing her complaints repeated by others, feel free to explain to them the reasons. You are within your rights to set boundaries regarding your mother’s visits, and you should not be made to feel guilty for doing it.
Astrology
speak eloquently. Tonight: Follow through with future travel opportunities. They are there.
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You will enjoy a new perspective on old puzzles and problems. It is easier to view bittersweet memories with appreciation and to understand why certain situations occurred. Abundant calls and emails. Tonight: Reach out to an elderly family member who has been lonely.
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Today outlines your options and illustrates what is most important. Your mental attitude is more positive. Your confidence and concern inspire others to seek your advice. A group discussion is especially fruitful in providing information and ideas. Tonight: Celebrate yourself.
(Feb. 19-March 20): Today you cherish time alone. Seclusion brings peace. Subtle mystical energies are coming into play. Secrets tend to come out. You may have to cope with an exposed vulnerable feeling. A meticulous approach to details wins you admiration. Tonight: Relax.