Beat a cyberbully: Here’s how parents can help

While remote learning during the COVID-19 pandemic lowered reported instances of bullying, parents fear that, for some students, going back to school will mean going back to being bullied.

“Our oldest child experienced bullying in the classroom, so cyberbullying is something we want to be alert to before it happens,” said Jason, a father of three who lives in Northern California.

Now 15 years after the inception of National Bullying Prevention Month in October, technology’s ever-greater presence in children’s lives has given bullying a new outlet. With just a click, cyberbullies can taunt, harass and threaten relentlessly, even reaching into the home via cellphone or computer. As a result, victims report feeling hopeless, isolated and even suicidal.

What can parents do to protect their kids? Taking an interest in their children’s online world can make a difference, says the National Parent Teacher Association.

This interest does not necessarily require parents to become tech experts. Instead, the federal stopbullying.gov site advises parents to watch for subtle clues that something is wrong, such as their child becoming withdrawn, hiding their screen when others are nearby or reacting emotionally to what is happening on their device.

For Jason and his wife Kirsten, that means being keenly aware of what “normal” looks like for their three daughters, ages 12, 9 and 7.

“We try to always have dinner as a family,” Kirsten said. “We can read our kids more and notice if they’re down or having some sort of problem.”

Talking with kids openly — and often — helps too. “The more you talk to your children about bullying, the more comfortable they will be telling you if they see or experience it,” UNICEF says in its online tips for parents.

As their two daughters enter their teens, Houston parents Thiago and Auboni have found that talking less and listening more works best. “We try to focus on being approachable and listening actively without reaction,” Thiago said.

Beyond talking, listening and observing their kids, parents should not be afraid to make and enforce rules for online activities, experts say.

Thiago and Auboni’s girls are allowed to play online games, but they are expected to turn off the live chat feature to limit interactions with strangers. “We reassure the girls that we trust them and respect their privacy, but they have to stay within the boundaries we’ve set,” Auboni said.

Jason and Kirsten have taken a similar approach. “It’s a fluid situation where we have to make adjustments based on their needs and their current circumstances,” Jason said. “We recently let them have their ipads in their rooms during the day. Whereas before, we never let them do that. So it’s a progression where they can start showing that they’re trustworthy and can handle more responsibility.”

Both families cited the tips and reminders they have considered together with their kids from free resources available on jw.org, the official website of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Jason and Kirsten recommend one of the site’s short animated videos, “Beat a Bully Without Using Your Fists.”

“I learned not to retaliate and just ignore them because it really takes away their power,” shared their oldest daughter. “If they don’t get a reaction from you, then they will stop.”

Thomas Fernett is the public communications representative for the U.S. branch of the Jehovah’s Witnesses.