REMOTE LEARNING HAS ITS BENEFITS,
Let’s hear it for parents, that beleaguered demographic trying to work from home, trying to educate their children online and trying to keep it together at a time when many of us are ready to throw in the towel. Tiptoeing through the minefield of COVID-19 life has turned out to be a Sisyphean task.
No matter how organized they are, they never finish their to-do list. No matter how prepared, they struggle with technological snafus, everything from cyberattacks to connectivity issues. And no matter how gentle or firm, strict or laissez-faire their prepandemic parenting was, they’ve now discovered that adaptability is as essential as a steady paycheck.
I don’t know how they manage. I’m not sure I could.
Raising a compassionate, conscientious and curious child has never been easy, but our materialistic, momshaming culture has only made it harder. So I’m not surprised, not at all, when I hear young parents express worries that their kids might be psychologically damaged by the experience of masking and social distancing — but also by witnessing their parents flailing about to find a kind of balance.
A balance, by the way, that I doubt can be achieved. These are strange, scary times, and multitasking has never carried so much danger or desperation.
Though long-retired from the daily demands of parenting, I own a frontrow seat to its drama. In the time of COVID-19 especially, I help with the grandkids as much as I can, pinch-hitting by phone or in person. But it isn’t enough. It never can be.
Through it all, I’ve been amazed by the ingenuity of families everywhere. In another state, my oldest grandchildren are left alone to navigate through online classes. Like so many others, their parents can’t always do their job from home. Fortunately, they have staggered their work schedules, and my son often races back home during lunch. For the kids, though, not being able to hang out with friends in class has been a challenge. Middle school shouldn’t be like this.
A couple of ZIP codes away, another son and his wife have hired a nanny to help, though both work from home most of the time. My nephew and his wife — a battalion chief with our fire-rescue department and a nurse, respectively — alternate working days. And the father of my 11-year-old granddaughter lives with his parents, both of whom pitch in when they can.
Nonetheless anxiety and self-doubt are difficult to quell. Survey after survey paints parents struggling with competing demands and feeling as if they’re failing at all of them. One of the most recent polls revealed that more than a quarter of parents admitted their mental health had worsened since March, and one in seven parents reported they had noticed worsening behavioral problems in their children.
My extended family members are fortunate because they can buy or negotiate solutions for work-school-life conflicts. But for many, the pandemic has peeled back the curtain that has hidden an embarrassing truth: State and federal governments have long neglected families. Our commitment to parents is nothing more than lip service, and as a society we have offered little, if any, support for affordable daycare, for meaningful after-school programs, and for support to those trying to do right by the next generation.
The coronavirus has only helped to exacerbate the division between the few who can afford au pairs and educational pods and the middle class and hourly workers who can’t. Even when we resume the semblance of normal life, the scars of the pandemic will be as much emotional as physical.
I’d like to think that there’s opportunity in our current challenge. I’d like to think that maybe this will prompt us to walk the walk and not just talk about it. I’d like to think this might give rise to a national movement that truly advocates for families.
In the meantime, however, we must accept that no, parents are not all right.