COUNTY IS DIVIDED, BUT I HAVE HOPE,
My best friend is a
Trump voter — and that’s not a line. It’s true, and she’s proud of it.
The line, however, has ceased to be funny. Postelection we both feel exhausted, beleaguered, drained, confused, anxious and worried. These past few days, instead of coming together to battle the surge in COVID-19 cases, the country we love has continued to rip itself apart. Far from settling the score, the historic 2020 election highlighted, italicized and underlined what most of us have long known.
I fear the worst is yet to come. We’ve traded one kind of uncertainty for another, still without the way or the will to move on from here.
There was no blue wave. No overwhelming mandate. No definitive affirmation or repudiation. In the end we’ve emerged as divided as ever, and probably angrier, too. God help us.
Here’s a perfect example of the not-so-civil estrangement: One day after the election the casual fashion brand Gap tweeted out an image of a half-blue and half-red hoodie, hoping to send a unifying message. The blowback on social media was swift and vicious. Within the hour, the company had pulled the tweet, explaining that its intent was to show the power of unity and that it had learned “it was just too soon for this message.”
But will there ever be a good time?
I’ve read countless pieces about the necessity to reach across the aisle. How we must listen to each other. Mend fences. Look for commonalities. Stop demonizing and start humanizing. But as we barrel onward to Thanksgiving, the most American of holidays, I see people who are digging deeper trenches and taller silos. They’re still threatening
(or gloating), still spreading conspiracy theories, still brandishing the figurative middle finger.
Some say the country has been here before, riven by opposing political views and entrenched fears. The eve of the Civil War. The Great Depression. The Vietnam fiasco. But maybe because I’m living through it and can’t see the forest for the trees, this feels different. Worse. Deeper and more insurmountable.
Social scientists from 11 universities appear to agree. In a study published last month in Science, they revealed that for the first time in almost 50 years, our antipathy toward our political opponents is higher than our attachment to those who think like we do. The authors point to the American National Election Survey, which shows that we Americans have not become more loyal to those who share our ideology — yet our mouth-frothing, heart-thumping animosity for our opponents has shot up.
One of the co-leads, a Northwestern University professor whose expertise is actually marriage and interpersonal relationships, says our politics has built “the most toxic marriage possible.”
The disagreement is not limited to presidential candidates. We don’t see eye to eye, not even close, on the factors that often govern our daily lives either: race relations, gun control, police restructuring, abortion, voting rights, gay marriage. What’s more, many of us are disillusioned with both major parties. I know Republicans who crossed over for this election and Democrats who defected in 2016. I’m an independent who’s consistently voted both sides of the aisle. The ballot box is simply the stage to air our preferences — and heavens, our gripes are varied.
My BFF and I aren’t alone in our political rift. I know of divided marriages, split families, neighborhoods cleaved by blue and red signs. Adult children who’ve stopped speaking to their parents. Friends who avoid each other.
And yet, I hope. I can’t snuff out that stubborn flame. It burns bright.
Maybe that hope is fueled by the example of a strong decades-old friendship that has survived opposing political views. Maybe it’s fueled by my love for the brother who voted the other way, the cousins who cast for the other man, the Trumpvoting neighbors who always lend a hand. Separate and apart, we know each other to be decent, conscientious and loving people, Americans who love their country but see situations so, so differently.
Maybe, just maybe, that can be a start.
Ana Veciana-Suarez writes about family and social issues. Email her at avecianasuarez@gmail.com or visit her website anavecianasuarez.com. Follow @AnaVeciana.