Wife is loath to be first in family to divorce

Dear Abby: Iaman attractive woman who has been married for 30 years. I think my husband has been cheating on me for most of them. Through the years I have seen the telltale signs and confronted him many times. But he continually tells me no, he would never do anything.

I have tried hard to stay with him, although I feel stupid for doing it. You see, my parents were married for 62 years, and I have two sisters and three brothers who have never been divorced or separated. So I’d feel like a failure if I left him.

I need to know for sure whether he has cheated, but I don’t know how to prove it. I have found a letter in his wallet, notes slid under my door at work and actually saw him touch another woman in a sexual manner years ago. My friends say if it walks and quacks, it is a duck.

I have asked him many times to go to counseling and he always says he will, but we never do. I no longer want to continue living with this man. There has got to be something better than always waiting for the next bomb to drop. Advice? — Suspicious in the South

Dear Suspicious: Because your husband avoids going to counseling doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t see a licensed therapist without him. If you do, it will help you to clarify your thinking and make a rational decision about your future. Your siblings’ marital history should not influence your decision.

If you feel you need to have proof that your husband is being or has been unfaithful, and has lied to you all these years, then hire a private detective and you will probably get what you are looking for. You have my sympathy.

Contact Dear Abby at www. DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.