Readers reach out to offer help to widower

Dear Abby: Your advice to the grieving widower “In Need of Someone” (June

22) was spot on. I met my husband when I was 14. We married at 18, and he died when he was 44. After his death, I had no idea how to be a person because I had always been a partner.

In the early years, I cried every day and was searching, like “In Need,” to fill that empty spot in my life. Then one day, I started figuring out what to do about the other holes in my life.

Over the years I have seen several close friends lose partners and go through exactly what “In Need” and I have experienced. Your advice is so true. Volunteer. Get a part-time job doing something you like or a job that will just give you someone to talk to.

Do not look for a BandAid

to fix the emptiness. Look for a seed to plant and nurture, and be prepared to be amazed at the beauty that will be opened up to you. — Shelly in Illinois

Dear Shelly: Thank you for sharing. Another reader also responded to encourage “In Need” as he moves forward:

Dear Abby: I lost my husband after 30 years together. I’m still working on getting “from hollow to whole,” as “In Need” wrote. Your advice that he should “figure out the boundary between where you left off and your wife began” is an important insight. I’ve never heard this from a grief counselor, but it’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do for the past three months. You can’t live with someone else if you can’t live with yourself.

I’m working on becoming whole again, and it’s happening slowly. “In Need” should do the same. It may take longer, but it works better. — Tammy in Oregon