Friendship mysteriously ends after three decades

Dear Abby: I need help moving past the end of a longtime friendship. I don’t know what happened. My friend, my former college roommate, just drifted away.

After school we continued to be friends — not besties, but we would meet for coffee or dinner a few times a year. Fast-forward 25 years. She called me the day she left her husband, 10 years ago, to tell me the news. I was her emotional lifeline for a few days, and it was intense. We continued to be in touch a few times a year.

Then, a few years ago, I sent a message suggesting we meet soon. She replied that she was busy but would get back to me about a date, but she never did. I waited six months and again suggested we meet. She replied that she had a conflict but would let me know a date that would work. I haven’t heard from her since. It has been three years, and I know through other sources she is doing well.

I can’t think of anything I did to cause it, and I don’t understand how a friendship like that can just be kaput. What do you think? — Disappointed in Washington

Dear Disappointed: I find it interesting that when this woman was in turmoil, she reached out to you. However, after her marriage and the emotional dust-up that surrounded it, I suspect she may have decided to close that chapter of her life.

You stated that the two of you didn’t stay in contact other than “a few times a year.” Think back. Did she contact you only when she needed emotional support? If that’s the case, recognize the relationship for what it was. Now that she is doing well, she may be firmly focused on the present rather than the past, and frankly, although it may sting, I think you should do the same.