Miami Herald

The pandemic means fewer presents for many families. Here’s what to tell your kids

- BY MICHELLE SINGLETARY

This holiday season will be like none other.

Coronaviru­s cases are surging in the United States, and this may force states and local government­s to impose new lockdowns — meaning more people might find themselves out of work.

An eviction crisis is looming as people lose their jobs or run out of unemployme­nt funds and can’t pay their rent.

Yet, this is the time of year when spending is celebrated. The mall Santa is still greeting children — albeit behind masks and plexiglass — listening to their excitement over the presents they hope to get for the holidays.

But what if the pandemic recession has affected your family finances to the point that the usual treasure trove of presents and lavish holiday meals aren’t possible? What do you tell your children about the scaled-down Christmas or Hanukkah you need to have this year? Or worse, how do you prepare your children for a possible eviction from their home?

I asked Neha Chaudhary, a child and adolescent psychiatri­st in private practice and a faculty member at Massachuse­tts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School, to help guide parents on how to talk to their children about their financial situation. Here’s her advice.

Q: What should parents tell children if they’ve lost their job or face a furlough?

A: When breaking bad news to a child, you want to meet the child where they are by asking what their understand­ing of the topic is. A very young child may not understand the implicatio­ns of something like losing a job in the way a teenager would. If you first find out exactly what they know about the topic, you’ll likely be more equipped to share the news in a developmen­tally appropriat­e way and can fill in gaps if they’re confused.

Older kids may wonder about broader implicatio­ns on the family and have practical questions about whether this is temporary or what happens if you can’t find something right away. Younger kids will likely worry more about things that affect them day to day, like whether they’ll still be able to get presents, or they may not realize the implicatio­ns at all.

The more direct you are the better, because children pick up on uncertaint­y and ambiguity, and that can make them feel more stressed than the actual content that you’re delivering. Older kids especially will know when you’re sugarcoati­ng something and might find it frustratin­g or dishonest.

If you’ve lost your job and your children know that the

job is what the family relies on to pay bills, you may want to preempt their worry and reassure them that you’re going to look hard for a new job right away and that you’ll come up with a plan to keep things afloat until you find one. No matter the age of the child, the burden of figuring out next steps or worrying about what to do should fall on the parents, not the kid.

Reassure your child that they are still safe and you love them very much. Make sure to offer them the space to share their feelings. Children need to feel like their worries are heard and acknowledg­ed so that the worries don’t amplify.

Q: Should you share a lot of details about your dire financial situation?

A: Parents should be honest, but kids don’t need to know all the little details of which bills can and can’t be paid, or how much stress the parents are under. The focus of the conversati­on with kids should be to share the high-level news of a job loss, explain what directly affects them and review some day-to-day changes the family will face. If budgets need to be tightened, parents should consider having a family meeting to share the changes so that the kids aren’t caught off guard when there are less food-delivery nights from their favorite restaurant or certain activities are canceled. Managing expectatio­ns up front will help lessen disappoint­ment later.

Q: What if the money is so tight that buying presents for the holidays is just out of the question without incurring debt?

A: If money is extremely tight, parents should consider sharing with their kids that the holidays might look a little different this year. Explain that it might look different from their friends’ holidays, too, and that that’s

OK, because every family is going through something different.

It’s a great time to focus on forms of giving that are thoughtful but don’t cost much, like a family drawing night, cooking meals together, writing each other stories or making each other a coupon book of things you’ll do for one another. Just because you don’t have money doesn’t mean you can’t give or celebrate the holidays in a way that your child will cherish and remember through their adult life.

Q: What if the family is facing eviction? How do you prepare children for the loss of their home?

A: A child needs to feel safe, loved and secure. Find a way to remind them that it’s OK to be scared or sad, but that you’re going to find a way to protect them and that you will get through it together.

 ?? ATNOYDUR Getty Images/iStockphot­o ?? “If money is extremely tight, parents should consider sharing with their kids that the holidays might look a little different this year.”
ATNOYDUR Getty Images/iStockphot­o “If money is extremely tight, parents should consider sharing with their kids that the holidays might look a little different this year.”
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