Trust issues are a result of toxic relationships

Dear Abby: Marriage is considered to be imperative in my religion and culture. I’m 29 and still not married. I have commitment and trust issues with guys. I have been in only three relationships my entire life.

Every time things are going well, I tend to selfsabotage and make excuses to push the guy away. I start arguments for no reason or create problems or issues that I fabricate out of thin air. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my past relationships were toxic and tumultuous. They were cheaters and liars.

How can I get past this continuous issue? — Problem Trusting in California

Dear Problem Trusting: The most effective way to do that would be to talk about this destructive pattern with a licensed mental health adviser. If you do, it may help you rid yourself of the baggage you are carrying, understand why you chose the men you did before, and make it easier to evaluate any new relationships that start to develop.

Dear Abby: I feel horrible about my “first time.” It was with my boyfriend, and it happened in the back seat of his car. I had always dreamed of my first time being special, but after realizing we didn’t have many options, we decided the car was fine. Now I feel ashamed and guilty. Can you advise me?— Not Like I Imagined in Texas

Dear Not: I will try. When did your first time happen? Last weekend?

Last month? Last year? Whenever it was, it is in the past. Experience teaches us what works for us and what doesn’t. Learn from it, but don’t preoccupy yourself with regret over something you can’t change.