Yes, that gift would be social-engineering through housewares
Dear Carolyn: My husband and I live in the same suburb as his parents, which provides weekly curbside recycling pickup. But my in-laws — 70, in decent health — do not recycle. I cringe watching them throw away bottles and cans whenever we visit.
I had the idea to give them, for this coming Christmas, a nice trash can with separate compartments for trash and recycling, along with a supply of the required clear bags, so all they have to do is set the bag out on the curb.
But could this be perceived as imposing my ideals on them, or trying to guilt them into recycling?
— Hippy-Dippy Idealist
Hippy-Dippy Idealist:
It could be perceived that way, yes, because that’s exactly what you’re doing.
Plus, trying to socialengineer people through housewares you want them to have is not! a! Christmas! gift! It’s like buying your spouse a new vacuum cleaner to make them better at doing chores for you.
If you believe your inlaws would want to recycle if it were easier for them to do so, then just buy them the trash can now out of the goodness of your heart.
Or even better, do some reading on what actually happens to most of our so-called recycling, then quit the nearly fruitless micro-activism with your in-laws and apply yourself instead to better community choices for trash. It’s mostly going to landfills regardless, unless and until we all up our game.
Dear Carolyn: When two adults move in together, should they always split the rent 50/50? He makes double her salary and, this will likely be the case moving forward.
They are 30 and 36 and in love. They plan on living together one year before getting married and
starting a family.
— L.
L.: The only thing they “should” do is agree on how they split the rent.
Fortunately, this is a perfect opportunity for both — before signing anything — to be honest about what they think, how they feel, what they expect and what ghosts might still haunt them when it comes to money, power and trust. I advise them to take it.