Discussing sex life with ex is final straw for wife

Dear Abby: I have been married for 19 years now. A few years back, I came to know about my husband’s platonic relationship with his old girlfriend. She lives in a different state and is married.

My husband has long chats with her every day about everything, including our sex life. I confronted him and asked him to end their relationship because knowing that he wants me to do something in bed because his friend does it bothers me a lot. He promised at the time that he wouldn’t talk or chat with her anymore, and I trusted him.

A few weeks ago, I discovered that he still chats with her every day, and he changed her name in his contact list to hide his relationship. I feel cheated on, and I want to end this marriage. Please help me. I don’t want to make a wrong step. — Betrayed in Florida

A couple’s sex life is supposed to be private. Your husband and his supposedly platonic “friend” have both betrayed the trust of their spouses. That he would expect you to do something in bed that he knows she is doing is substituting your body for hers, and frankly, it strikes me as another form of cheating. Obscuring her name in his contact file illustrates that he has no intention of ending their relationship.

You feel cheated on because you HAVE been cheated on. It will continue as long as you allow it. Because you’re afraid you will take a wrong step, start quietly gathering all the financial information you can and talk with several lawyers before deciding which one will work hardest to protect your interests and proceed from there.

Dear Betrayed: