Man made woman feel like a fool after wooing her for four months

Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared Aug. 18, Sept. 15 and Sept. 20, 2006.

Dear Carolyn: I dated an adorable man for four months. It was quite romantic and passionate in the beginning; he stated his “intentions were honorable” and he wanted to “woo” me. I willingly obliged to the wooing. So now it’s over and I feel a fool for having fallen so deeply into someone so new. He wants to be friends, but I’m feeling adrift and less than a priority on his not-veryfull plate. Is it possible to be friends with someone you’ve fallen in love with? If so, how?

— A.

A.: Even if he’s sincere, he has made you feel only two things: giddy and bad. And the giddy is up. Being “friends” might offer a comforting fiction, but it’ll just extend your time chasing someone who isn’t chasing you back.

Dear Carolyn: My mostly wonderful boyfriend has a few habits that irk me, e.g. being late all the time. However, I happen to share many of these habits, so I feel as though I can’t express my frustration when he’s late to the airport because I just did it to him last week. There must be a constructive way to address this issue but can’t seem to come up with it on my own. Any thoughts?

— Va.

Va.: Yes. Stop being late all the time. Once you’ve kicked all bad habits you resent in other people, you’ll have the insight to request the same.

Dear Carolyn: I love him but we can’t reach a resolution on having kids — he thinks taking time apart will give him clarity. We’ve tried everything else, so we might as well try this. I love him so much, and I don’t want to give up, but I don’t know what else to do. I feel like my heart is breaking into pieces. How do I keep hoping and prepare for the worst at the same time?

— Chicago

Chicago: Hoping you could have this guy on your terms has shielded you from your own mind. So, ask yourself now: Which matters more, the guy or the terms?