This reader is having a midlife-crisis about turning 30 years old

Carolyn Hax is away. The following first appeared Aug. 30, 2006.

Dear Carolyn: Turning 30 is messing with my mind. All those midlife-crisis movies suddenly make a lot more sense. Being single with no prospects is weighing on me. My mediocre job is weighing on me. Not being 20 is weighing on me. Please tell me turning 31 is easier?

— Washington

Washington: It is, unless everything goes to heck and you get into a difficult relationship you dread ending and someone you love love love dies and that mediocre job becomes the one rock you can cling to and you find yourself wondering why you were ever so worked up about one stinkin’ birthday.

Not that I’d want that for anyone. Life gets cranky when you try to live it according to some schedule, like married by 26 and billionaire by 30 and whatever else we’re supposed to tick off the list.

Take this bad feeling as an invitation to scrutinize what you’re doing, see what it’s all worth to you and make any changes that you’ve always secretly envisioned and that are in your power to make. Be open-minded and brave.

Dear Carolyn: I’ve had some tough blows lately, the kinds of things that lead friends and even slight acquaintances to offer sympathy and help. My style was to tough it out, which earned me great praise for strength, dignity, blah blah blah.

Trouble is that now that everyone has moved on, assured that I amjust fine, I amstarting to crumble. Seems too late to ask for support and frankly I don’t want to lose all those strength and dignity points. Yes, I amin therapy — just started. Did I do adversity wrong? Is it too late to correct?

— Crumbling

Crumbling: There is no “wrong”; you did what you felt you needed to do. Now you’re seeing that you needed to do something else, and so you’re doing something else. Yay.

It may not feel like a rousing success story, but you’re actually succeeding wildly at something so many people struggle with — listening to themselves, and taking action.