Kindness is one of the greatest virtues
He spoke in broken English, but was friendly. What’s more, his driving didn’t leave me fearing for life and limb.
Returning from a hectic business trip, I needed what my cabbie provided — calm certainty and affability. When we arrived at my destination, I leaned forward and asked, “Where are you from?”
He hesitated, looking wary and uncertain, and then quietly replied, “Syria.”
I gave him the fare and then put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here,” I said. His eyes grew misty and his lips quivered. I can only imagine what he went through to get to America, both in his native war-torn land and during the vetting process required for his immigration.
“Thank you, sir,” he replied, a smile rippling over his tear-stained cheeks.
The political debate over immigration is largely based on stereotypes, sweeping generalizations that ignore people as individuals. Martin Luther King Jr. warned against this when he said, “It’s hard to hate a man once you know his story.”
I don’t know the cabbie’s story, but I feel certain being a terrorist is not part of it. None of us want our personhood painted over by broad and blinding assumptions (e.g., Muslim equals terrorist). We want to be treated as what we are — human beings with unique personalities and individual paths.
My brief but poignant exchange with this immigrant got me thinking. While it was not my purpose, being kind to this stranger left me feeling good too. Not surprising. There is solid behavioral science research showing that acts of kindness, while intended for the recipient, also benefit the giver.
So, I wonder, what is the reward for doing the opposite, for standing toe-totoe with another human being and giving him or her a dose of hate instead of compassion? And what impact does that have on the person dishing it out?
To paraphrase the Buddha, “Hate is a hot coal you hold in your own fist,” meaning the recipient of one’s rancor is not the only or even the primary victim. Still, what sort of emotional reinforcement drives some of us to spew enmity at people we don’t even know and, if we did, whose stories might not be all that different from our own?
The standard explanation is fear and tribalism. That’s probably true, but it still fails to explain what is it about human nature, at least the nature of some humans, that makes being hateful both pleasurable and self-reinforcing in some twisted way?
Regardless, people in power, both in government and business, often tap into this dark side of humanity, turning us against each other to serve their own selfish and short-sighted purposes. They urge us to betray the very values we espouse as part of our faith traditions, be those Christian, Muslim, Jewish or the rest, all of which remind us that kindness is among the greatest of virtues.
The sides in this battle are not left or right, liberal or conservative, red or blue. They are love or hate, the latter being mostly a consequence of fear.
In deciding where to stand, we may wish to recall other words from Dr. King:
“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”
The political debate over immigration is largely based on stereotypes, sweeping generalizations that ignore people as individuals. Martin Luther King Jr. warned against this when he said, “It’s hard to hate a man once you know his story.”