Old rules of civility still apply today
I recently came across a passage that seems especially relevant in this, the combative age of President Donald J. Trump.
The missive, “110 Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation,” was provided by the Facebook account of George Washington’s Mount Vernon estate.
“George Washington wrote out a copy of the 110 Rules of Civility in his school book when he was about 16 years old,” the museum’s account says. “These maxims originated in the late 16th century in France and were popularly circulated during Washington’s time. This exercise, now regarded as a formative influence in the development of his character, included guidelines for behavior in pleasant company, appropriate actions in formal situations and general courtesies.”
The original rules are attributed to the French Jesuits in 1595.
As we prepare to observe Presidents Day on Monday, I’d say it’s appropriate to exhale and reflect on the concept of civility, however quaint or even nostalgic it may seem. Because truth be told, we all could use a little humility and civility in discussing and debating the issues of our time with family, neighbors, co-workers, customers, friends and even rank strangers at the coffee shop.
Here are 10 of my favorites of the 110 Rules that young George wrote in his notebook. I shared them with some of the executives in our C-Level posse, and their comments are sprinkled in along the way. (The archaic spellings and punctuation of the rules are as Washington wrote them.)
Rule No. 1:
“Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present.”
“Twenty years ago, I can remember having political discussions with co-workers and clients,” said Tom Jordan, former chairman and chief creative officer of Hoffman York advertising in Milwaukee. “Back then, we could all agree to disagree.
“It’s tougher today. Both sides are so polarized that it can quickly become personal and hurting,” Jordan said. “My advice? Keep the subject on topic, don’t let it become an attack on the messenger, and if it begins to escalate, be the bigger person and simply announce, ‘Well, that’s not how I see it but I respect your point of view.’ And then quickly change the subject with, ‘How about those Packers?’ ”
Rule No. 6:
“Sleep not when others Speak, Sit not when others stand, Speak not when you Should hold your Peace, walk not on when others Stop.”
“The key point is civility and democracy are intertwined. Autocratic rule doesn’t require civility to be successful. Democratic rule most certainly does,” said Steve Laughlin, executive chairman of Laughlin Constable, a Milwaukeebased marketing agency. “This would have weighed heavily on our Founding Fathers and should weigh heavily on us today as we consider autocrats who threaten our democratic ideals, whether from within our society, dogmatic politicians or discriminatory demagogues, or threats from outside our society such as ISIS, North Korea, Russia, China or any nation
built on autocratic rule.
“Washington’s rules all serve to remind us that democracy is earned through our ability to recognize the importance of each individual and the rights that our system bestows on everyone,” Laughlin said. “It was true then, and it’s true now: United we stand, divided we fall.”
Rule No. 8:
“At Play and at Fire its Good manners to Give Place to the last Commer, and affect not to Speak Louder than Ordinary.” Rule No. 56:
“Associate yourself with Men of good Quality if you Esteem your own Reputation; for ‘tis better to be alone than in bad Company.” Rule No. 63:
“A Man ought not to value himself of his Atchievements, or rare Qualities of wit; much less of his riches Virtue or Kindred.” Rule No. 65:
“Speak not injurious Words neither in Jest nor Earnest Scoff at none although they give Occasion.” RuleNo. 80:
“Be not Tedious in Discourse or in reading unless you find the Company pleased therewith.” Rule No. 86:
“In Disputes, be not So Desireous to Overcome as not to give Liberty to each one to deliver
his Opinion and Submit to the Judgment of the Major Part especially if they are Judges of the Dispute.”
“My favorite is Rule No. 86,” said Rich Meeusen, CEO of Badger Meter Inc. “‘In disputes ... submit to the judgment of the major part.’ In other words, elections matter — accept the result.”
Rule No. 89: “Speak not Evil of the absent for it is unjust.”
“Undiscussables are issues discussed a lot but never in the presence of the people they involve,” said Mary Kay Plantes, author and Massachusetts Institute of Technology-trained economist. “If we fail to speak up and be honest (vs. talk behind backs), we fuel a cycle of mistrust that gets us nowhere.”
Rule No. 110:
“Labour to keep alive in your Breast that Little Spark of Ce[les]tial fire Called Conscience.”
“This rule will never not be important,” said Katherine Gehl, former president and CEO of Gehl Foods Inc. in Germantown. “There is no substitute — in law or regulation or other incentive — that is superior to a person doing the right thing because of their own conscience.”
Happy Presidents Day.