Psychotherapy is best with a good emotional fit

Psychotherapy works.

Study after study shows that, for most people, seeing a mental health counselor eases depression, reduces anxiety, improves mood and can even alter personality. That’s right, that bundle of characteristics called “me” can be changed.

I know. I’ve done it from both sides of the proverbial couch. And while there clearly are folks who do not benefit from talk therapy, I’ve seen it work for many, including me. Yes, I’ve been to therapy several times and intend to in the future.

Oddly, I’ve spoken to colleagues who have never experienced therapy from the client’s side. To me, being effective in this role requires considerable insight into one’s own personality, behavioral foibles and biases. Absent that, there’s a risk the therapist’s emotional issues will interfere with the treatment process.

What’s more, being in the client’s seat helps a therapist be more empathetic and better at grasping the view from that side of the room, and mind.

So, psychotherapy works for most folks, but why? Is it primarily a function of technique, meaning the style of therapy the practitioner employs? Or is it driven more by the personality of the therapist and her or his ability to effectively connect with the client?

Abundant evidence supports the efficacy of certain care modalities, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy, but there is also research showing that a positive therapeutic impact is more about who than what.

It seems the personhood of the psychotherapist has a greater healing and transformational influence than his or her approach. Why?

Well, the psychotherapeutic relationship, at its best, is a unique form of human interaction in which one person is almost entirely focused on the well-being of the other. This is inherently affirming of the client’s intrinsic worth.

What’s more, there is an assurance of privacy that does not exist in other relationships of a personal nature. A client can speak the most private thoughts and feelings without fear they will appear on social media or the gossip mill.

The positive impact of the therapist comes not through words as much as “emotional communication,” the kind transmitted via one’s voice, facial expressions, mannerisms and eyes. If the client perceives the therapist as safe, compassionate and affirming, the healing begins.

All these elements work in tandem to help the client experience deep empathy and understanding from the therapist, as well as the self-affirmation which that creates. Granted, these attributes can exist in any kind of relationship, but in the psychotherapeutic sphere they are meant to be a constant.

So, obviously, the goodness-of-fit between the client and therapist is critical. In fact, research suggests it is the central variable influencing the therapeutic outcome.

Bottom line? Make certain you feel comfortable, safe and understood by your therapist. If not, don’t hesitate to make a change.

It’s not your job to safeguard your therapist’s self-esteem.

It’s your therapist’s job to put your well-being first, even if that means you going elsewhere.

The psychotherapeutic relationship, at its best, is a unique form of human interaction in which one person is almost entirely focused on the well-being of the other. This is inherently affirming the client’s intrinsic worth.