Talking to yourself out loud can settle inner quarrels

So, do you talk to yourself?

Sure you do. But I’m referring to the out loud variety, not the all but constant nattering that goes on silently in one’s head.

The latter, called “inner self-talk,” is ubiquitous. In fact, only when fully absorbed in something, meditating deeply or asleep do we refrain from a seemingly endless flow of internal discourse. But how often do we speak this self-talk out loud? Rarely.

And those who do often garner wary looks from passers-by, as if having an audible discussion with one’s self is indicative of an underlying mental disturbance. As I’ll explain, that is usually far from the case.

Regardless, when we do converse with ourselves, who’s talking to whom? Well, what we call the mind encompasses many personas or little selves, not just one. Were this not the case, you couldn’t generate inner conflict where one side of you wants to do one thing while another has the opposite intention.

Consequently, you can have a conversation between two of your personas that function more or less like distinct people. Each of these selves can seem to have its own point of view, desires, attitude, etc. Meaning, in one sense, we all are multiple personalities.

Well, there is evidence that people who speak their inner dialogue (i.e., talk to themselves out loud) benefit by this process. It can foster more self-awareness and selfcompassion, increase precision during complex tasks, and help resolve indecision or inner conflict.

So, shouldn’t this same kind of self-dialogue, when carried on silently in one’s mind, have similarly positive effects? One would think so, but frequently this is not the case. Why?

Well, when spoken out loud, self-conversation becomes tangible, meaning we experience it more consciously and, therefore, can engage with it in a more deliberate and often helpful fashion. In contrast, silent self-talk usually operates in the background, sometimes seeping into one’s consciousness, but often not.

So, when left to operate outside of awareness, self-talk that trends negative insidiously chips away at one’s well-being. Speaking it aloud can offset this.

For example, whereas a silent critical thought (“I was stupid to say that”) may go unchallenged and chronically erode one’s self-esteem, that same assertion spoken out loud invites greater awareness (“I’m being awfully hard on myself”). What’s more, one can challenge it (“We all make mistakes”).

This is essentially the process cognitive-behavioral therapists employ to address negative self-talk in their clients; bringing it into consciousness and challenging its assertions.

However, even beyond combating unwarranted or over the top self-criticism, talking to one’s self out loud can improve how you get along with you. After all, the first person one must learn to live with is one’s self, and just as sincere, respectful dialogue between two people can bring them closer together, the same holds true between two or more personas in your head.

So, it can help to talk things over . . . even if just with yourself.