Teens seek wise counsel
They want tips to get parents to listen to them
Editor’s note: In the 1960s and ’70s, teenagers who couldn’t get their parents to listen turned to Ione Quinby Griggs, the longtime advice columnist in The Milwaukee Journal’s Green Sheet section. Take the teenage girls who wrote to Mrs. Griggs in this column, first published June 29, 1973, and edited for space here.
Mrs. Griggs: I am a 16-year-old girl. I want to know what I can do about the communication gap between a teenager and her parents.
My parents won’t let me see my boyfriend. They couldn’t wait until we broke up. We broke up of our own accord for four hours. When he came back to say he was sorry, they wouldn’t let him see me.
I have a job this summer. I called his mom’s house from work and talked to his mom. She said he told her and his father the whole story. He has wonderful parents — at least they listen to their son and discuss any problem that has developed.
Is it right that any time this boyfriend calls my parents, they tell him I’m not home, or am in bed, just to make it impossible for him to talk to me?
We just have to see each other. Please help us. — This Is No Puppy Love
This Is No Puppy Love: Parents having special interest in their children often look beyond the poetic beauty of romance, measuring with realistic practicality and concern.
On the credit side, your parents may want you to delay thoughts of marriage until you are able to cope with its responsibilities, for your own good.
On the other side of the romance coin: Your parents should listen carefully and unemotionally when you try to talk to them.
Here is what I suggest: Be willing to consider a slowdown in association with this boy if your parents should decide to allow more dates. Suggest to the boyfriend’s parents that they talk to your parents. If you have a rapport with his mother, she may be the one to discuss a possible continuation of dates on a basis to which your parents can agree. — I.Q.G.
Mrs. Griggs: I am a 13-year-old girl. I have a problem with my mother. She is always complaining about us kids.
This one day, I’m not doing anything wrong, just sitting there figuring something, and she comes in and gives me a long lecture. It’s like she had saved it all up for this one outburst. She called me a name, and said all I did was complain. I wasn’t even talking.
Lots of times I’ve done things for her that she said weren’t done. Then, when she finally sees the things are done, she doesn’t take back her words. She thinks the other kids “helped,” unless I happen to be the only one who was home.
I’ve never skipped school in my life. I’ve never had anything to do with drugs. I get good grades in school. All right, Mrs. Griggs, I’m not perfect, but I don’t think I’m all bad. — Help
Help: A teenager may be able to change a parent’s negative attitude to a positive one by trying to understand the problems parents face, then show willingness to cooperate for the good of all concerned.
I suggest this: Instead of fretting when your mother “complains,” tell her you want to do everything possible to help her, because you love her and want to make life easier for her. Thank her for the things she has done for you. Parents need encouragement as well as children! — I.Q.G.