Bride-to-be feels upstaged by another in-law wedding
Carolyn: My partner of six years and I are getting married in September of next year and have been planning our wedding for about three months. My fiancé’s younger sister, “Laura,” has been dating “Michael” for about two years. Rumor has it — my fiancé’s mother informed me — that Michael and Laura have been shopping for engagement rings. I really love them both and I am very excited for them.
However, my fiancé’s mother also told me that Laura and Michael want to have a short engagement and she believes they will set a date for next July. I wasn’t sure how to respond so I just said, “How exciting!”
But I do feel a bit upset about this. I have been a part of this family for six years and I am so excited to make it official. I can’t help the feeling that Laura’s wedding will upstage ours since the bulk of our events (bridal showers, bachelor/bachelorettes, engagement parties) will completely overlap and her wedding will happen less than two months before mine. I also fear that some of my fiancé’s family and friends won’t be able to travel for two weddings in such a short time and therefore skip ours since it is the second one.
Am I being selfish? Would it be wrong for me to say something about how I’m feeling? — Baffled Bride-To-Be Baffled: To believe you’re justified in feeling “upstaged,” you also have to believe two things: that there is such a thing as a stage, and that you are entitled to all of it.
Please do whatever it takes not to believe either of these things.
A long engagement doesn’t freeze everyone in their places. Lives progress. That means couples choose long engagements at risk that others will marry in the interim.
If you don’t want someone to get married in the interim because you fear that overlapping guests will have to miss your wedding, and if having these people present is your priority, then move your date up.
If having the extra time to plan your wedding is your priority, then keep your original date with the full knowledge that it might cost you some guests.