The joys, and rakings, of fall, for better and verse
Editor’s note: The only thing that got Green Sheet humor columnist Gerald Kloss writing verse more than Shakespeare was the changing of the seasons. The foibles of fall turned up regularly in poems in his “Slightly Kloss-Eyed” column. Here are a few of Kloss’ autumnal verses, along with their original publication dates.
I’ve Got a Feeling It’s Falling (first published Sept. 29, 1960)
Now’s the time to rake the leaves,
Check the furnace, clean the eaves,
Paint the windows, wash the panes, Patch the roof for autumn rains, Oil and store the summer tools, Put away the wading pools, Polish up the outdoor grill, Pay the back-to-schools clothes bill,
Tune the engine, check the brakes,
Add antifreeze, for goodness sakes, Ditto shorts and summer skirts, Plant the bulbs for spring narcissus, Wax the car, or let the missus … And so the list goes on and on, When fall is here and summer’s gone.
What we need, friends, in this nation
Is automatic autumnation! Saturday Afternoon Struggle (first published Oct. 6, 1960) The sun is bright, The sky is blue, The leaves are flames, (I’ve work to do.) I’ve work to do — To change the screens, To wash the storms, (What pleasant scenes!) What pleasant scenes — The scarlet leaves, The hazy skies, (I’ll clean the eaves.) I’ll clean the eaves! I’ll rake the lawn! I’ll paint the porch! (The game is on.) The game is on, (It’s on TV) I’ll do that work Next week. Maybe.
Dig That Pigment! (first published Oct. 13, 1960)
The summer leaves are changing hue In old October’s color stew — Served in autumn’s porringer, They’re yellower and oranger; Golds and scarlets make the scene On foliage that once was green, And even lowly clumps of brush Assume a comely crimson blush. How lovely if this all could last Instead of passing by so fast — How cheerful if the trees would carry Scarlet leaves in January! But no, they’ll wither, sere and brown,
And start their yearly tumbledown.
The reason’s simple, you’ll recall —
It’s why they call the season fall!